Peyton Manning is two touchdowns away from tying Brett Favre for most touchdown passes in a career. Odds are they are going to Julius Thomas, who has an NFL record 9 touchdown catches through five games. That is 9 of Peyton's 15 touchdown throws. Also, the Broncos are now America's team according to a poll, proving that America is made up a bunch of piece of shit sports fans who only know how to root for Peyton Manning are whatever team wins most often according to their own moronic insight.
2. San Diego Chargers (5-1, LW-3) (Up1)
The Chargers are blowing teams out AND winning close games, albeit their latest test was against the lowly Raiders. Phillip Rivers is now the MVP favorite in my opinion, with a QB rating of infinity (117.9 for the stat junkies) and almost 1,800 yards. San Diego is a cool town. I've been there twice and the coolest part is the amount of seals that lay on the beaches of La Jolla right on the coast. You could say it really "sealed" the deal for San Diego being, okay I'll quit while I'm ahead.
3. Dallas Cowboys (5-1, LW-5) (Up2)
Dallas may have only, only, won by seven on Sunday, but it sure seemed like more. But the bottom line is Dallas went into the toughest stadium in football, and handled the Super Bowl champions in true champion fashion. Tony Romo looked unscathed, even during the few moments in the game when Seattle seemed to being getting momentum back. Russell Wilson had his worst game since his rookie campaign, and that is more a testament to this Cowboys defense that might find the cure for the common cold this week.
4. Seattle Seahawks (3-2, LW-1) (Down3)
Seattle is the best team in football on paper. That is why I can't bring them down farther than 4th right now. They are still the most talented team, they are still the deepest team, they still have a dominant defense and they are still the Super Bowl champions. For whatever reason, they played a soft game against Dallas and they couldn't find their passing game, a mixture for disaster when Marshawn Lynch can't put the team on his back. I can't help but think this team will find its way this week and bounce back.
5. Philadelphia Eagles (5-1, LW-6) (Up1)
Into the top five, Chip Kelly's squad is fresh off their first shutout of the New York Football Giants since ER was the highest rated show on television and Suddenly Susan was somehow third. Its been eighteen years since that happened and it is all because of Chip Kelly's ability to adjust and exploit. Some of it might have had to do with all of us overreacting about this Giants three game winning streak, some of it might have had to do with Victor Cruz going down for the year and Andre Williams getting the start. Regardless, LeSean McCoy also finally looked like the number one fantasy pick he was meant to be this year, going for a cool 150.
6. Arizona Cardinals (4-1, LW-12) (Up6)
First place in possibly the best division in football is nothing to sneeze at and that is where the Cardinals are today. They scored a season high 30 behind Larry Fitz who reminded us that he is still alive. If the Cards can get healthy and survive a tough stretch that pits them against the Eagles, Cowboys, Lions and Seahawks in the next six weeks (they play the Raiders this week and Rams in between the Boys and Lions), than we might be looking at a new NFC West champion this season.
7. San Francisco 49ers (4-2, LW-7) (-)
San Fran came back from 14-0 on Monday night to hand the Rams another tough loss. Winners of three straight, the 49ers have seemed to get their offense back on track. It wouldn't hurt if Frank Gore started averaging more than 67 yards a game.
8. Indianapolis Colts (4-2, LW-8) (-)
The Colts marched into Houston on Thursday night and put up a solid 24 before the first quarter was over. TY Hilton had a whopping 223 receiving yards, somehow only the second most in his career. For as giddy as I already was for Phillip Rivers, listen to these numbers for Mr. Andrew Luck: through six games he has 1,987 yards, 17 touchdowns, 7 picks and 172 completions. Not too shabby.
9. Green Bay Packers (4-2, LW-9) (-)
I liked the fake snap by Aaron Rodgers to win the game on Sunday against an overmatched Dolphins team. Rodgers quietly has 15 touchdowns to 2 interceptions this season, for all of the talk of the offense struggling. Its gonna be a fun race in that NFC North to see who comes out on top.
10. New England Patriots (4-2, LW-10) (-)
All of these teams at the bottom of the top ten had impressive wins, yet none of them can really move anywhere because the top ten from last week was 8-1-1 this week. The Patriots crushed a Bills defense that has been one of the best units in football this week. Tom Brady threw for four touchdowns, two of them late in the game that were no doubt indirect threats to everyone in the league.
11. Cincinnati Bengals (3-1-1, LW-4) (Down7)
I dropped the Bengals defense this week in fantasy football, which is a good thing for Cincy fans but terrible for me because they are definitely due for a dominating shutout now next week. However, I had to do it. They got me a combined -6 points in two weeks, those bastards. For as exciting as that game was, it shouldn't have ended in a tie, not in Cincinnati when all the Bengals had to do was contain Cam Newton for half a second and they'd have the advantage. 0-1-1 since starting 3-0 and the defense has given up almost 100 points in two games, yikes!
12. Baltimore Ravens (4-2, LW-11) (Down1)
Falling because of the sheer volume at the top and because the Bengals do own a convincing win over the Ravens in week 1, Baltimore put up a gaudy 48 against Tampa this week. Joe Flacco threw four touchdown passes in the first sixteen minutes, the quickest ever and the quickest by a solid twelve minutes. This Ravens offense is clicking and as I've said, if the defense can consistently show up, Baltimore will be back in the playoffs in a division thats suddenly very wide open.
13. Detroit Lions (4-2, LW-17) (Up4)
The Lions are obviously the least impressive 4-2 team in the league, although with Reggie Bush back, the running game might finally improve which should in turn improve Matthew Stafford's outlook. Calvin Johnson getting healthy and finding a kicker who can, oh, I don't know, kick is the first start though.
14. Carolina Panthers (3-2-1, LW-15) (Up1)
Cam Newton had to do way too much on Sunday to only come up with a tie. Newton was the entire Panthers offense, something that is seemingly becoming the norm in Carolina. A running back needs to step up and the defense needs to start playing like they did last season. If Luke Kuechly wants league wide recognition as the best linebacker in football, he needs to lead a team that doesn't routinely give up 30+ points.
15. Cleveland Browns (3-2, LW-22) (Up7)
Wow, who would have thought Brian Hoyer, Ben Tate and the Cleveland Browns would be ranked 15th in the power rankings at any point this season? At 3-2, with a real shot at 4-1 or 5-0 if they could have had come up on the right side of two close games against Pittsburgh in Week 1 and Baltimore, the Browns have made a tremendous turnaround this year. Brian Hoyer is the real deal apparently and that defense made a shaky Steelers offense look more overmatched than I can remember behind Big Ben.
16. Houston Texans (3-3, LW-14) (Down2)
JJ Watt might be the best player in football. Can a defensive player win Defensive Player of the Year, Offensive Player of the Year and MVP? He's got the dance moves to do it!
17. Chicago Bears (3-3, LW-23) (Up6)
Quote from last week's rankings: "Have I officially checked out of Jay Cutler Hotel? No, but my bags are packed and I've removed the Do Not Disturb sign from my door knob." So, I was proud to see my Bears win this past week, even though they knocked around my new team and Matty Ice, because that is the kind of game they should be showing off with every single week. Its that easy, isn't it?
18. New Orleans Saints (2-3, LW-20) (Up2)
Coming off their bye week, the Saints play teams at or above .500 for the next nine weeks. Ouch.
19. New York Giants (3-3, LW-13) (Down6)
The Giants could not have looked worse in the 27-0 loss on Sunday night against division foes, Philadelphia. Oh wait, they trash talked all week and Jason Pierre-Paul showed the world he had no idea how to add and they got shut out 27-0. Yeah, that's worse.
20. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3, LW-16) (Down4)
The Steelers have been outscored by the Browns 55-13 since halftime of their Week 1 narrow win. They are also 2-4 since that Week 1 win, and have a real shot at finishing in last place in the AFC North for the first time since before realignment created the division.
21. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3, LW-21) (-)
I picked up Alex Smith in fantasy this past week for when my main man Jay Cutler goes on his bye. Am I nervous? I'm shitting bricks.
22. Buffalo Bills (3-3, LW-18) (Down4)
Kyle Orton is playing awful, but the defense did let the team down in what was a close game up until late in the third quarter on Sunday. The Bills will need to win ten games to win the AFC East, and sitting at 3-3 with a tough schedule ahead, it isn't too likely.
23. Atlanta Falcons (2-4, LW-19) (Down3)
Well, let's just say the Falcons bandwagon I was driving broke down on I-95 and we're asking Chipper Jones for directions back to the PLAYOFFS, BAYBAY! Realistically, it might only take eight wins to win the shitty NFC South this season so I haven't given up on them yet.
24. Miami Dolphins (2-3, LW-24) (-)
Miami did everything they could to beat Green Bay except for expecting a fake spike, even remotely expecting a fake spike, and giving up the easiest touchdown in football history for the Packers win. Other than that they did all they could.
25. Minnesota Vikings (2-4, LW-25) (-)
The Vikings only seem to play blowout games. They've been blown out four times and had crushing victories twice. Expect more of the first outcome there if Teddy Bridgewater keeps having rookie struggles like he did on Sunday.
26. St. Louis Rams (1-4, LW-27) (Up1)
The Rams played a close game with the 49ers on Monday night only to watch Austin Davis cough it up. But really, the Rams have been right there in most of their games this season, so I feel fine moving them up a spot over the other shitty teams down here in the basement. Plus, they have Austin Davis, guys.
27. Tennessee Titans (2-4, LW-30) (Up3)
Charlie Whiteshurst made some plays to win the game on Sunday. However, they narrowly beat the worst team in football, at home. Can they really brag about a victory like that?
28. Washington Redskins Native Americans With Skin (1-5, LW-26) (Down2)
The Redskins are finding creative ways to lose games. This week they watched an early close game squander in the second half to the returning immortal Carson Palmer. Tune in next week to "How Kirk Cousins Lost the Game".
29. New York Jets (1-5, LW-29) (-)
The Jets put up a good fight against the number one ranked team in football, but still, they lost and have now lost five in a row. Geno Smith continues to add fuel to the fire that might burn out on his tenure as starting quarterback in New York.
30. Oakland Raiders (0-5, LW-32) (Up2)
Congrats, Raiders fans, your team fought hard and almost won a game, which is better than what the Bucs can say. Plus David Carr threw four touchdowns, which is impressive coming against the 5-1 Chargers. David Carr might be the first stable quarterback in Oakland since Rich Gannon.
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-5, LW-28) (Down3)
The only reason Tampa isn't ranked last is because of their one lowly win over a lowly Steelers team and because the Jaguars just look downright awful. But still, at least Jacksonville comes to play, they've been in a few close ones this year including almost beating the Titans in Tennessee this week. Tampa has given up 56 and 48 in almost back to back weeks. I don't care how respected Lovie Smith is as a coach, that should never happen to a prepared NFL team.
32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-6, LW-31) (Down1)
0-8 last season, 0-6 this season. TIMMY TEBOW?
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