1. Denver Broncos (2-0, LW-3) (Up2)
Peyton Manning might not be lighting up the stats sheet like he was last season, but he's winning games. Denver shaved off a near comeback from Andrew Luck and the Colts and than handily handled the Chiefs at home. Week 3 holds a true test for the post-hangover juggernaut, a trip to Seattle to face the same team that demolished them some seven months ago.
2. Seattle Seahawks (1-1, LW-1) (Down1)
Seattle is still the most talented team in the league and no one should overreact at this loss. This is especially true since I called it in my Crystal Ball picks from last week, but hey, I'm in no way bragging. But I did call it.
3. San Francisco 49ers (1-1, LW-2) (Down1)
I'm still not impressed by this team and honestly, I'm not sure why I still have them ranked this high. The offense isn't surprising anyone, the defense couldn't stop Jay Cutler and they have let two early leads slip away in the first two weeks. Kaepernick had a few ugly interceptions, is he as good as we thought he was? Is he who we thought he was!? Did we let him off the hook?!
4. Cincinnati Bengals (2-0, LW-5) (-)
The Bengals have looked damn good in their first two games. Giovani Bernard has been a pleasant addition at running back, Andy Dalton is in regular season redhead mode and the defense is getting the job done. However, all of these things can come together but if AJ Green is out for a long period of time, this team might be facing a downslide in the infamous Nugget Blog power rankings.
5. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0, LW-9) (Up4)
Deemed the Comeback Kids uncreatively by my local newspaper, the Eagles have seemed to find it best to simply run down defenses in the first half, and play catch up if you need to in the second half against a much slower and weaker team. It's worked through two games at least.
6. New England Patriots (1-1, LW-6) (-)
The Vikings really were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. New England doesn't lose back to back games with Tom and Bill. Would you watch a sitcom called "Tom and Bill" that surrounded around post-Patriots retirement with Brady and Belichick being forced to live together in southern Florida for some reason? Look for it on TBS next fall.
7. Green Bay Packers (1-1, LW-7) (-)
Aaron Rodgers passed Bart Starr on the Packers all-time passing yards list on the last play of the game against the Jets. Is it me, or was that really fast? Can statisticians make a mistake like that? Should someone check those numbers? Is Kelly Holcomb the all-time passing leader in Buffalo history yet?
8. Chicago Bears (1-1, LW-10) (Up2)
My NFC wild card pick who have been getting a lot of slack for losing to the Bills at home in the first week shut up like two or three people by beating San Fran on Sunday night. Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey need to be healthy for this team to back me up on my faith in them though. That should be motivation enough for them.
9. San Diego Chargers (1-1, LW-11) (Up1)
San Diego jumps into the top ten with an impressive victory over the Seahawks on Sunday. Antonio Gates looked like circa 2007 Gates. He needs two more scores to pass Isaac Bruce and land in the top ten for all-time touchdowns scored in NFL history. That would mean two Chargers from the past decade or so in the top 10 (LaDanian Tomlinson being the other), yet no Super Bowl appearances.
10. Arizona Cardinals (2-0, LW-12) (Up1)
Arizona traveled across the country to play a shitty Giants team and they beat up on a shitty Giants team. Although impressive in the win, the Giants kinda sorta looked like they were trying to lose. Suddenly, Arizona is in first place in the immortal NFC West. So why aren't the Cardinals up closer to their division sibling rivals Seattle and San Francisco? When your quarterback is Carson Palmer and he is injured and your defensive star is sidelined, I can't sell too high on your stock without losing my blogging license.
11. Baltimore Ravens (1-1, LW-13) (Up1)
I could have put the Saints or Panthers here, one for their preseason expectations and the other for how they've performed thus far. Yet, the Ravens homer in me put on the blinders and looked at the impressive magnitude of their Thursday night win over Pittsburgh. They controlled that game, a game that generally is decided by three points or less since Flacco and Big Ben have been at the helms. They won on short rest and on three days notice of cutting Ray Rice. They won despite all of the emotion in how the organization handled that case. Baltimore might be better than even I thought.
12. Carolina Panthers (2-0, LW-17) (Up4)
The Panthers have climbed a poultry six spots since the preseason rankings I posted, and it is all thanks to that defense. Suspending Greg Hardy was the right thing to do, but it also might hamper their defensive dominance. It would help if Cam Newton keeps playing like a cyborg or to at least keep the kids at NFL60 off of his back.
13. Indianapolis Colts (0-2, LW-4) (Down9)
The Colts should not panic at 0-2 even if it they let the Monday night game slide away. They play the Jaguars and Titans the next two weeks, I think my family putting a team together from our Thanksgiving backyard games could go 1-1 against those two.
14. New Orleans Saints (LW-8) (Down6)
At some point, if the Saints want to be a serious title contender in my books they need to learn how to win on the road. Not even compete, because they have somehow only lost by five points combined in these two weeks while giving up somewhere between five hundred and sixty million yards to the Falcons and Browns. They turn the ball over at costly times and they can't play any defense. I don't see how they finish with more than eight or nine wins.
15. Houston Texans (2-0, LW-20) (Up5)
The Texans are having fun, scoring a touchdown with a pass to JJ Watt. Bill O'Brien might be a really good, creative and successful NFL head coach. Of course, it would help him out a lot with a quarterback better than Ryan Fitzpatrick.
16. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1, LW-14) (Down2)
How do we seriously judge this team? They dominated Cleveland for one half of football and have looked severely mediocre ever since. Scoring just six points against a Ravens defense that really isn't jaw-dropping is concerning.
17. Buffalo Bills (2-0, LW-25) (Up8)
Are the Bills for real? An exciting, young offense, a defense that bends but doesn't necessarily break, a new ownership group and great fans, the Bills might be putting a reputable franchise before us. What am I saying? This is the Bills, we've sent his before. Pencil this in as their highest spot on the rankings. (Are you having deja vu, too?)
18. Detroit Lions (1-1, LW-15) (Down3)
I'll admit that I got too excited about this team's dominating win over the Giants in Week 1. They looked downright awful against Carolina. I don't understand how an offense that loaded with talent can score only seven points, regardless of the defense they are playing. It just shouldn't happen.
19. Atlanta Falcons (1-1, LW-16) (Down3)
The Falcons defense has looked about as bad as Carson Daly in Jimmy Kimmel's new sitcom that he has began writing. Yup, Kimmel is writing a sitcom based off of Carson Daly's life after Total Request Live, which I can only assume will be "pathetic". Poor Carson Daly. Poor Falcons defense. The only difference is the Falcons defense plays soft and gets paid to be tough and Daly is just soft.
20. New York Jets (1-1, LW-18) (Down2)
The Jets deserved every bit of that embarrassing loss on Sunday, beginning and ending with Marty Mornhinweg's atrocious time and timeout management. Can we really ever blame a loss in the NFL solely on one person's shoulders? Maybe not, but can't we right now?
21. Miami Dolphins (1-1, LW-19) (Down2)
There is no shame in losing to this 2-0 Buffalo Bills team unless, you know, the Bills finish this season 2-14 and the Dolphins miss the playoffs by one game.
22. Cleveland Browns (1-1, LW-30) (Up8)
Before all you mean Interneters gang up on me and tell me about how I am an idiot for pushing the Browns up eight spots just because they beat the Saints by two points last week, let me state my defense. Had Cleveland upset Pittsburgh last week and found themselves at 2-0 and in first place in the AFC North, we'd be having a different discussion. Of course if they were 0-2 we'd be talking about fucking Johnny Football.
23. Dallas Cowboys (1-1, LW-26) (Up3)
I've heard enough people gushing about the Cowboys defense just because they didn't give up 700 yards to the 49ers last week and simply as a result of handling Jake Locker and the Snoozeville Titans. This Dallas defense isn't good, trust me. Speaking of which, remember the TV show, Trust Me? Good times.
24. Washington
Could Kirk Cousins be the resurgence this team needed? I was one of the many "experts" impressed by Cousins on Sunday as the team just really looked different with him at the helm. More confidence, more control, more points. They actually won a game. Like I said, just different with Cousins.
25. Tennessee Titans (1-1, LW-24) (Down1)
I still think this team has a chance to make some noise this season despite losing to Tony Romo and his cast of characters. Jake Locker seems like a halfway decent NFL quarterback, which I guess is the equivalent of making Jonathan Coachman the lead anchor of the Today Show. Maybe that's why the Titans are only above seven teams.
26. Minnesota Vikings (1-1, LW-22) (Down4)
The Vikings are not going to win anything with Matt Cassel as their quarterback, Matt Cassel made that very clear for everyone. Have you thrown four interceptions in an NFL game? You should try out!
27. St. Louis Rams (1-1, LW-32) (Up5)
Holy cow! We might have a different basement team every week! We find ourselves with the Rams out of last place and up five spots because Austin Davis somehow, some way put together a game winning drive in a pro football game on Sunday. Now don't read that sentence again and try and tell me what his name was. Bet you can't remember!
28. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2, LW-21) (Down7)
This Chiefs team has now plummeted twelve spots since my preseason rankings came out. It might go even further if Jamaal Charles is out for a long period of time. Knile Davis is cool though, how intimidating is a name like Knile? I feel like he would eat people if he had to.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2, LW-23) (Down6)
Why did I let myself get tricked into ever believing in this team? Because of Lovie Smith? Sure, he could reach a Super Bowl with Rex Grossman, but at least he had a cool nickname (anyone not remember Sexy Rexy??). Because of one half of a good season on a much better Chicago offense from Josh McCown? Because I drafted Vincent Jackson on my fantasy team and never draft a Buccaneer?
30. New York Giants (0-2, LW-28) (Down2)
I think we have serenely settled into place the three bottom dwelling teams for this season. The Giants generally have gotten off to a horrible start only to follow up with like a six game winning streak of a 7-1 run, but they should get cozy down here this season. That offense is scary bad.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2, LW-29) (Down2)
Since the second half of that Eagles game in Week 1 began, the Jaguars have been outscored 75-10. Let that sink in.
32. Oakland Raiders (0-2, LW-31) (Down1)
I don't think we have a definitive last place team right now, so when in doubt, go with the Raiders and their shitty coach and new, unproven quarterback!
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