Ushering in a New Age of Sixers Basketball

For whats supposed to be the worst draft class in recent memory, the actual 2013 NBA Draft was nothing short of entertaining, unpredictable and compelling. It had everything! It had trades involving some of the leagues best players. It had Bill Simmons nearly having a heart attack when Anthony Bennett went first, and than definitely having a heart attack when the Celtics dealt their team to the Nets for absolute horse shit (minus the draft picks which could hypothetically help them down the road. For now, have fun with Kris Humprhies and the "30 Million Dollar Man", Gerald Wallace, Boston!) We got to see David Stern, who got booed worse than Nancy Pelosi at her own home or Justin Bieber at a Miami Heat game, get saucy with the crowd. And embrace Hakeem Olajuwon, who was the first draft pick Stern announced as Commissioner back in 1984. Thirty years later, despite the heckles from the crowd, Stern is still my favorite commissioner of any league during my lifetime, not counting Chief Wiggum. 


There was also the hilarious awkwardness of the ESPN quarter that got to analyze the whole thing. Whoever decided we'd get to hear from the awkward and overused Reese Davis, the awkward and boring Jay Bilas, the energetic and ridiculous Jalen Rose and my favorite writer, who happens to be way too passionate and normal for the panel, Bill Simmons, should win some sort of award. I'm not sure what, but they should get something. Maybe a pat on the back or a copy of Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible. Anyways, my favorite moment of the entire broadcast is a tossup between two hilarious Simmons setups, one going to Davis and one aimed for Jay. At one point early on, when Shane Battier was introduced as the psuedo-sideline reporter (for some reason), Bill Simmons told Reese he should have given a spoiler alert for Spurs fans that Battier was about to be on TV. Clearly joking that Spurs fans weren't ready to see him yet. Davis acted like a real dumbass, and responded by saying that Spurs fans should know who Battier is by now. Simmons went on to explain his joke, as if Davis was his aging grandfather. When Reese was finally on the same page, all he said was "oh yeah, they may never be ready!" and moved on. Even better was when Mason Plumlee was drafted, and Simmons asked Jay Bilas is he was crying and if he cried whenever a Duke player is drafted. I don't even remember what Bilas came back with, just know that he tried to muster something and it was really boring. It was vintage, plain Jay Bilas, ladies and gentlemen!

Anywho, the real highlight of the night does have something to do with the title, believe it or not. And its ironic, because when I first got news of it from my dad, before they even mentioned it on air, I was furious. Furious! More angry than when I hear Heart Attack by Demi Lavato come on the radio. My dad told me that there was a rumor that the Sixers had traded Jrue Holiday and the 11th pick to the New Orleans Pelicans for Nerlens Noel and a first round pick in next year's loaded draft. Obviously, the rumor was partly wrong because the Sixers got to keep that 11th pick (which they used to draft Michael Carter-Williams from Syracuse, who I love, but I'll get to that later. Cliffhanger!!!). However, at first, I could not believe we had traded our best player for an unproven freshman big man who has bad legs. Didn't we just get a huge broomstick up the ass because Andrew Bynum had bad legs? Now we were going all in on another big man with bad legs?! I couldn't stress that enough to anyone who would listen (which was no one, I was watching the draft alone. Thank God it was entertaining, because otherwise that night would no doubt rank in my top five most depressing moments ever). Big man, bad legs, no go! How could Sam Hinkie, in his first major move as new general manager, trade away our best freaking player?! For a rookie!! 

I should stop before I talk myself out of the trade.

Eventually, I talked myself into the trade. It took about two hours and constant reasoning, and a few Sam Adams and some lines in the bathroom while I was waiting in line in the back room, but I liked it. I like the trade. No. I love the trade now. While at first I could not believe we traded away my favorite player and the lone bright spot on the team, I now can't believe I didn't love the move instantly. It makes too much sense not to make it. 

There is one rule I would live by if I were to own a team (which I would totally do if I ever win the lottery. I guarantee I'd win a championship if I stuck around long enough. I'm saying close to 97% of these guys are cheap assholes or have no idea what they're doing.). No-mans land in the NBA is a lonely, shitty place. You either want to be elite and contending for the championship, or bottomed out and rebuilding. The Sixers have been mediocre and in the middle for wayyy too long. This trade officially ends that run, that depressing run, and moves the 76ers into rebuilding. It really is a shift they should have made years ago. Sure, they might not have made the playoffs at all behind Doug Collins, and we might not have enjoyed that thrilling seven game series with the Boston Celtics in the Eastern Conference Semifinals last season. But no one actually expected that team to do anything. They snuck up on an aging Celtics team and still came up short. 

We all knew that team was not going to win a championship, let alone compete for one, with Jrue Holiday, Thad Young and Evan Turner as the core. We (I) might have bought into the championship fever when Andrew Bynum came to town. But once we learned the severity of his injury, those championship hopes dipped to a new low. Evan Turner struggled this season. The bench struggled this season. Thad Young and Spencer Hawes showed signs of promise. The team was in no-mans land, and now it is officially in Shitty Team land (along with a lot of other teams, by the way).

Here's the thing about Jrue Holiday. Sure, he scored 18 points a game last season, a career best. He was third in the league in assists last season. He made his first All-Star Game. He was the unspoken leader of this team. But he scored a lot of those points by default. I watch my fair share of 76ers games, and far too often Holiday would score points in bunches or score them as a result of no one else on the team scoring. Other than Thad Young, Holiday was the only player to average over 13 points a night. Turner averaged just that, but was far too inconsistent to be a usual factor. Holiday had to carry this team on his back often, and with enough shots, a good player will score his points. Holiday is a good player, and I think he will thrive with the Pelicans (although they do already have a fine point guard in Greivis Vazquez, so it'll be interesting to see what they do there. I think Holiday is slightly better and the smarter fit to play point). But he isn't the elite player I talked myself into thinking when he was traded. Philly wasn't going anywhere with Holiday as the start surrounded by average or worse players. Hinkie and the Sixers needed a fresh start, it was long overdue. Philadelphia needed a change. Just like Sulley and Mike Wazowski needed a change in Monsters University. (I saw this about two weeks ago with my girlfriend. The movie was very good, and I really liked it, but she loved it! I gotta say, there is nothing better than watching a movie with her, especially one that she loves. She laughs all the time, but she laughs constantly in movies she loves and I love it! It makes everything so much better! Sorry, I think my love letter got mixed in here) Philadelphia was headed straight for another season in no-man's land, where they've been since 2002. Now, they have direction.

I don't know if Nerlens Noel will be the star player people think he will. I'm not sold on him. I really believe in the whole "big man, bad legs, pass him up" lifestyle. I am sold on Carter-Williams, though. I think he is going to fit right in with this team. Imagine this starting five, Noel, Carter-Williams, Thad Young, Spencer Hawes and Jason Richardson. I'm not counting Evan Turner because I see no way he isn't traded soon, definitely before the season. I don't know who they can get for him, probably just some expiring contracts and a draft pick, but I see no reason to keep him. Turner clearly needs a fresh start, and he has no spot on this team moving forward. I could see him even being involved in a mega-trade with the Mavericks and their pursuit for Rajon Rondo. Are you ready for some Trade Machine fun?!

Picture this. Boston sends Rondo to the Mavericks. Philadelphia sends Evan Turner to Boston. Dallas sends Anthony Morrow and Shane Larkin to the C's and Vince Carter to the Sixers. So suddenly, your starting five going forward could be Carter-Williams, Vince Carter, Noel, Thad Young and Spencer Hawes. That ain't half bad. But if they are able to tank enough, and somehow wind up with the first pick, they could be looking at Andrew Wiggins. Thats best-case scenario. But 2014 is supposedly the most anticipated class since Lebron-Wade-Carmelo in 2003. So really, its a can't miss. Plus, if the Pelicans don't finish with a pick 1-5, the Sixers receive it as a part of the Holiday deal. So, they should have two first round picks in a loaded draft. Basically, you can't bash this deal at all. At all. Sam Hinkie is looking like John Locke from Lost right now. All of the critics thought it was smart to build around a decent, slightly better than decent point guard, when really, the smart thing to do was build around young assets. I say he's like Locke because I think everyone on the island would have died within two weeks without him in the beginning. And I think the Sixers would still be dying in no-man's land without Hinkie.

Albeit, the trade was more shocking than Avril Lavigne tying the knot with Nickelback lead singer, Chad Kroeger. Not because I didn't know they were dating, I did hear that. But imagine if they did a duet now. My ears are screaming, someone put Demi Lavato on.

But shocking sometimes works. I didn't think the Celtics would land Kevin Garnett from Minnesota back in 2008. They did. It won them a championship. I really didn't think LeBron would go to Miami in 2010. I might have been thinking with my heart, but I really thought he'd go back to Cleveland. I was wrong and shocked. LeBron has now won two championships and established himself as one of the best all-time and he is not even 30 yet. And I was shocked when the Phillies brought in So Taguchi in 2008, only to win the World Series. That last part was a lie, because it wasn't really shock when they signed Taguchi. I don't think I knew he was on the team until Opening Day.

I think the Sixers are two or three years away from winning the Eastern Conference, at least. If all pans out the way they are planning, which rarely does, this team could be a sleeping giant. Think about it. Miami is old. They aren't winning those eight titles they promised. Dwyane Wade has a few years left in him, and than LeBron is probably bolting. Kobe has maybe two years left. Same for Duncan. Garnett and Pierce are gonna crash and burn this season in Brooklyn (I am sooo sure of it, that I'd go out and buy Nets Finals tickets now if I were you) and than retire. Chicago, Indiana, Oklahoma City and the Clippers are the main, young threats. The Sixers can definitely insert themselves into title talks with this rebuilding. And I love everything about it.

Side note, I started watching Mad Men on Netflix recently to keep me occupied while my girlfriend is in Hawaii (I miss her so :(), and its fantastic! I'm only two episodes in, and I'm hooked already! Arrested Development didn't even win me over that quickly, and I think we all might know my feelings on that. If not, literally read any blog I've ever posted. But yeah, I love the show! Don Draper is going to end up being the second most intersting TV show character I've ever encountered, after Moss from IT Crowd. I'll keep you all posted, don't worry!

For now, long live Nerlens Noel's legs!! 
And don't mention the head coach search, unless you want another 34,000 words.