The other day while I was at work, I asked someone if they would be spending their New Year's making dead pool gags about Dick Clark when I was reminded that Dick Clark died earlier this year. This really has nothing to do with my story though.
My idea is to come up with a winner for 2012. You might be saying that's a pretty vague statement. How does one win a year? I thought the same thing after I came up with the idea, but after a solid thirty minutes of trying to come up with a criteria that would help me definitively declare a winner for the year 2012 and how I could tie it in with a sports/kindofpopculture blog, I finally had somewhat of an idea on how I was going to do this. Now if any of my readers commented on my blog, those comments for this story would probably be insulting to my criteria, the fact that I didn't know the difference between Honda and Hyundai until around three years ago and that I own Mike Greenberg's biography Why My Wife Thinks I'm An Idiot and I am not even old enough to legally drink a beer yet. Alas, no one will leave a comment so my self-esteem remains intact.
So my criteria for the First Annual This Was Your Year Award is as follows:
a) My bracket will be set up like a March Madness tournament, with four areas and eight teams in each region, accounting for 32 participants. Think you're good enough for one of the 32 finalists? Unless you were outstanding in one of the following categories than, spoiler alert, you're not: Sports, Pop Culture and Entertainment, Technology, and Politics and Inanimate Objects (grouped together since neither category really has a heart of any kind). So for those keeping score at home and trying to get a grasp of this very important, societal contest, that's eight contestants from each one of those four categories.
b) Seeding is determined by how many likes each person or object has on Facebook at the time of seeding. The page that will be used to determine the number of likes will be the first page that comes up when I type the name into the Facebook searchbar. Is this the fairest way to seed? Probably not even close.
c) I could have you, the readers of the Nugget Blog, vote on this, but I have no idea how to do that and I'm too obsessed with flaunting my opinions on the Internet where no one can come back with a "How can a person with ears the size of your's have room to have an opinion?". It happens! So, instead, I will decide who moves on with a blurb on each matchup that will be way too long.
d) So, to recap the seeding, I am picking who the eight finalists in each category will be and than seeding them by number of Facebook "likes" their page has as determined by the first page that comes up in the searchbar. This is flawed, but so is the BCS and Presidential Election, but we keep doing them.
Without further ado, the regions and bracket for the First Annual Nugget Blog This Was Your Year Award Tournament!!!! Have A Nice Day!
Region One: Sports
Honorable Mentions in Sports: Jeremy Lin, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, The Rock, United States Women's Gymnasts Team, anyone not named Gary Bettman, Andy Murray, Calvin Johnson, Tom Brady
1. LeBron James- 13,100,309 likes, NBA player, Miami Heat forward
2. Usain Bolt- 10,398,006 likes, fantastic track runner from Jamaica
3. Michael Phelps- 7,110,816 likes, record holding Olympic swimmer
4. Dwight Howard- 2,920,265 likes, NBA player, Los Angeles Lakers center
5. CM Punk- 1,563,487 likes, WWE Superstar, professional wrestler
6. Robert Griffin III- 310,961 likes, NFL player, Washington Redskins quarterback
7. David Stern- 2,060 likes, NBA Commissioner
8. Miguel Cabrera- 121,755 likes, MLB player, Detroit Tigers third baseman
Region Two: Pop Culture and Entertainment
Honorable Mentions in Pop Culture and Entertainment: Justin Bieber, Daniel Craig, Daniel Day-Lewis, Kevin Hart, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Adele, Kim Kardashian, Jeff Probst, Charlie Sheen, One Direction (a sad crew of celebrities, honestly)
1. Carly Rae Jepsen- 5,536,520 likes, singer/musician
2. Kanye West- 1,090,539 likes, rapper/artist
3. Channing Tatum- 3,529,794, actor
4. Honey Boo-Boo (Alana Thompson)- 679,114, star of reality show
5. Jennifer Lawrence- 503,991, actress
6. E.L. James- 186,835, author
7. Bryan Cranston- 102,276, actor
8. Rebel Wilson- 48,068, actress
Region Three: Technology
Honorable Mentions in Technology: Reddit, Twitter, Apple Maps, Draw Something, Words with Friends, Electric Cars, The Spaceship that Dude Jumped From
1. Angry Birds- 22,886,115 likes, iTunes app
2. Hashtags- 9,396,319 (used Twitter's likes since more people hashtag than use Twitter for gosh golly sakes) likes, social media symbol displaying thoughts and sarcasm
3. Spotify- 3,297,342, Facebook music system
4. Instagram- 2,590,352, photoshop-like application
5. Pinterest- 2,462,403, website used for "pinning" "interesting" websites and articles
6. Iphone 5- 445,068, the fifth version of the phone owned by Apple
7. Facebook Timeline- 369,516, new layout and system used for Facebook profiles
8. Live-Tweeting Everything Imaginable- 845, social media craze of updating tweets during live events
Region Four: Politics and Inanimate Objects
Honorable Mentions in Politics and Inanimate Objects: Mitt Romney, Kony 2012, Legalize Weed Movement, Call Me Maybe, Obamacare, Penn State Scandal, Gay Rights, $600 million lotto drawing, Fiscal Cliff, Walking Dead
1. Barack Obama- 34,567,949
2. Hunger Games- 8,389,443
3. Hurricane Sandy- 165,670
4. Gangnam Style- 955,897
5. YOLO- 175,548
6. Breaking Amish- 29,296
7. Mayans and December 21, 2012- 14,874
8. Linsanity- 8,855
So the bracket is set and we're ready to embark on this marvelous trip that will exhaust the six readers that are still with me. For that, we need some Coach Yost up in here. And one more thing, the matchups will be won based on who had the bigger 2012. What does it take to have a bigger 2012? I'm looking for the impact you made on society and your respective region, the impact you will have in the future (to a smaller degree than 2012 impact) and any random thought, provisions or ideas I have or think up along the way.
Round of 32
And without anymore setting up, we start in the "Tonight, We Are Young" region with Sports:
(1) LeBron James vs (8) Miguel Cabrera- This is easily the toughest matchup I've encountered so far, as on one hand you have the King and a guy who, against massive criticism, did bring his talents to South Beach and deliver his first NBA Championship and claim his first ring, and on the other hand, you have a guy who won the MLB Triple Crown, something that hadn't been done in over forty years. LeBron's 2012 picked up when his teammate, Chris Bosh, went down with an injury in the Miami Heat-Indiana Pacers Eastern Conference Semifinals matchup. James elevated to heights not yet seen being a member of the Miami Heat in the postseason. He was known in 2011 for his failure and unassuming role in clutch moments that ultimately led to the Heat losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the Finals. James would help ease the burden of Bosh's injury and carry his team back to the grand stage, this time delivering a win against a much better Oklahoma City Thunder that won the King his first NBA title. Say what you will about James being a coward for joining up with Bosh and Dwayne Wade, but James won that title by beating arguably his top competition in Kevin Durant. James not only notched that challenging first title, he began moving towards reviving his image by reappearing in commercials and winning back the respect of NBA fans everywhere.
Miguel Cabrera was able to not only lead the Detroit Tigers back to the World Series for the first time since 2006, he also lead the majors in batting average, homeruns and runs batted in (RBI). This feat is known in baseball as the "Triple Crown" and is something that is so rare, that last time it was achieved was 1967 when Carl Yaztremski did so as a member of the Boston Red Sox. That is a 45 year gap between occurrences. It is so hard in today's hitter friendly game to lead the league in those three categories amidst injuries, a long schedule that takes up half of the calendar year and the plethora of stars who can play the game. Cabrera's accomplishment is nothing to not gawk at, but it is easier to do than winning a title, something Cabrera proved himself when his Tigers fell pretty easily to the San Francisco Giants. Also, Cabrera got a DUI this year so James wins.
(4) Dwight Howard vs (5) CM Punk- Dwight Howard might have been the star player on an Orlando Magic team that won 37 games in a lockout season, but he was nowhere to be found on the court in the playoffs as his team flamed out in the first round, losing to the Indiana Pacers in five games. However, Howard knew his contract was up and that he would most likely be leaving town after the season for a lucrative deal somewhere. He also knew his team had no chance of making serious noise in the postseason with the Heat around. And finally, his injury caused him to miss a few games that he dragged into ending his season since he had nothing to play for and too much to risk losing. Howard would end up owning the NBA news in the summer with his one man free agent frenzy and leading off every Sportscenter segment with possible destinations for the best center since Shaq. Howard caused a stir with how long and how much notice he received, but he eventually landed with the Lakers, creating a super team for the future with Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol and Steve Nash. While the Lakers have struggled to start the season, somewhere down the line they should mesh together and become very dangerous, and that all started in 2012.
CM Punk certainly does not pass the eye test with this matchup against "Superman", mostly since professional wrestling and the WWE take a back seat to the NBA and professional basketball (somehow), but that does not discount how close this one is. Punk had a huge year that just didn't calculate into as much popularity as the big man. Punk won the WWE Championship in late 2011 and held it for the entire 2012 calendar year (he still holds the belt today), eclipsing the rare 365 day title reign. Punk beat the best the WWE has to offer, including Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho, Kane, The Big Show, The Miz, Ryback and John Cena. Punk was a babyface (fan favorite, "good guy") for the first half of 2012 between making a heel turn by attacking The Rock in July on Raw's 1,000th episode. Punk is currently rumored to be setting up for a WWE Championship defense against The Rock at WWE Royal Rumble. While Punk's business is predetermined on who wins and loses, the people who get to win get to do so by talent, charisma and work ethic/dedication. Punk is one of the best at what he does, and saw an incredible 2012 because of it. True, Howard did get out of Orlando and sign a huge deal to come play for the Lakers and become partners with Kobe Bryant, but he didn't win anything and he did piss a lot of people off with his ugly breakup. And this decision might get a lot of scrutiny, but Punk moves on.
(3) Michael Phelps vs (6) Robert Griffin III- Great matchup here! Possibly the fastest human on Earth in a swimming pool and possibly the fastest human on Earth on a football field. Phelps may have gotten into some chicanery with his marijuana allegations and photos, but hey, that shit's legal now. So we can turn the other cheek for that and because of his excellent acting in Subway commercials. Oh, and he won four gold medals and two silvers at the Olympics and set the world record for most career medals won at said Olympics. If Phelps had any doubters left going into 2012, or anyone who wasn't totally sold that Phelps may very well be the greatest athlete in the world, I'm pretty sure the dude clarified his legend status this year. The Maryland native will have a tough time beating this Maryland hero though.
Robert Griffin III began 2012 as the kid from Baylor who could do some special things with his legs. As raunchy as that sounds, this kid was a quarterback who could make so many football moves and do so many things right, but he actually didn't have any character problems off the field. He was a true catch and was speculated to be the first overall pick if it weren't for the sure pick of Andrew Luck. The Washington Redskins made a huge trade to move up to the second pick and landed Griffin as the franchise quarterback. Griffin had a great career at Baylor, but still had doubters who thought he would get hurt too easily, didn't have the accuracy, or wasn't quite NFL ready. However, he was. The Redskins started off slowly, but they bounced back and won seven in a row behind one of the greatest rookie QB's the league has ever seen. Griffin is a player young people can look up to and is an incredible specimen with the build of a fullback but the speed and agility of Mike Vick. This is a really tough choice, as on one hand you have a guy who won 4 fucking gold medals in one year! Think of how many people haven't won 4 gold medals in their whole lives, and on the other hand is possibly this season's NFL Rookie of the Year and one of the most popular sports figures in the nation today. Griffin might have a This Was Your Year Award in him a few years from now, but I can't overlook breaking Olympic records...Phelps wins.
(2) Usain Bolt vs (7) David Stern- Simply put, David Stern had a pretty solid 2012. He could be poised for an upset here with his low seeding (I guess he's just not popular on the Facebook, HE'S A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!) Stern fixed the lockout problem just before 2012 and witnessed one of the best and most exciting and most profitable NBA seasons in history. Stern was easily the most successful commissioner of the four major sports leagues (although, that really is like saying Kim Kardashian was the most successful Kardashian). Stern's only drawbacks came towards the end of the year when he fined the San Antonio Spurs basically because Greg Popovich is still the head coach there. But through it all, David Stern is not the most gifted athlete in the world, owning tons of world records in speed and dazzling the eye with how quickly and gracefully he sprints and how damn easy he makes it. Although Rich Eisen tried and failed miserably sports "suits" simply can not run fast or dazzle the eye, Bolt takes this one pretty easily.
Moving right along, we visit the Pop Culture and Entertainment category, also known as the "So Let's Set The World On Fire" region...
(1) Carly Rae Jepsen vs (8) Rebel Wilson- Rebel Wilson is honestly only in this thing because its my bracket and I thought she put on an Oscar worthy performance in Pitch Perfect as Fat Amy. Anytime I hear the words "fat", "Amy" or "funny", I will now think of Rebel Wilson. Seriously, she is hilarious in this movie and it is worth watching, so watch it! But all I need to do is this: so call me maybe....and we have ourselves a winner. This one isn't close because Jepsen is gonna be a tough out in this tournament. Call Me Maybe was such a massive hit, I could write a story about why the song should win every Grammy from now until 2015. I don't so that about many songs, although I also probably have said that about any Kanye West and Jay-Z song as well as Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard. And Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, THAT one gets me. Give me a second while I get myself together, this is harder than I thought it would be.
(4) Honey Boo-Boo vs (5) Jennifer Lawrence- Let me just start off this one by saying I will try not to let my bias towards The Hunger Games (which will come in full throttle at some point in this article) as well as my upset stomach just by thinking of Honey Boo-Boo affect my decision here. But at the same time, I probably will base my decision on that bias. Honey Boo-Boo had a huge 2012, and thats not just because I'm pretty sure Osama Bin Laden was hiding in her sixth chin at some point. Or that I'm pretty sure there was an episode where she ate roadkill for dinner. This is coming from the guy who openly loves reality television, er, loved reality television before 2012 ruined it. I don't think Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo is all that entertaining. Now stop before you google my address and threaten me, because I have dreamt of being a contestant on Survivor, watched The Joe Schmo religiously, and used changed plans to watch Cupid when that was on TV. I loved reality TV, and I realize that most people did love this show as it was a huge craze in 2012. But I don't see the hype, although a few episodes were very entertaining and every episode made me feel better about myself.
Now Jennifer Lawrence was the star of The Hunger Games, which grossed $152.5 million in its opening weekend, good enough for only fifth all time. Just to give you some perspective on what that means, and keeping in mind that Lawrence is 22 years old, here are the other movies in the top five all time grossing opening weekends. Marvel's The Avengers, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2, The Dark Knight Rises, and The Dark Knight are the other four ahead of The Hunger Games, not a bad company to be in. Lawrence also won a Golden Globe for Best Actress in Silver Linings Playbook, which received a 91% rating from Rotten Tomatoes. I would say that is a pretty solid year for a 22 year old, seeing as how most 22 year olds are spending 3/7 of their weeks trashed and the other 4/7 either sleeping, working a cash register or watching a Jennifer Lawrence movie. Jennifer Lawrence to the Sweet Sixteen.
(3) Channing Tatum vs (6) E.L. James- Okay, since I am not a 45-year old mother who needs a spark in her life that I would rather not think about seeing as how I have a 45-year old mother, I can not fully appreciate the apparent aura that is Fifty Shades of Grey. I have no problem with that statement, although I did read The Education of a Coach by David Halberstam about Bill Belichik, which was basically porn of Bill Belichik, which is extra awkward after Spygate. By the way, since I just italicized Spygate, does that constitute it as like a national holiday or some kind of major event that we need to remember? I'm pretty sure it does. Anyway, Fifty Shades of Grey was the fastest growing book ever. Ever. That beats out any book from the Harry Potter series, any book from The Hunger Games and Born Standing Up by Steve Martin. Incredible.
However big a year E.L. James had, Channing Tatum doubles it. Not only is he a popular choice for man-crushes now after winning "Sexiest Man Alive" this year and flaunting that body in Magic Mike (easily the gayest sentence I have ever written.) Tatum also wowed all of us chick flick fans with his performance in The Vow (pretty close to the gayest sentence I've ever written, but see above.) And he showed his funny, lighter side in 21 Jump Street, teaming up perfectly with Jonah Hill to provide for loads of laughs. I'm going to stop this section though here before I get any calls from gay movie reviewers, Tatum wins. He just, he, he just does.
(2) Kanye West vs (7) Bryan Cranston- Cranston gets an early point for playing arguably the greatest dad in any TV show not named Boy Meets World ever. Cranston's character in the hysterical sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle, is genius. The only proof I need is right here. But unfortunately, this list is about who had big 2012's, and Malcolm in the Middle was only big in 2012 on D-league channels and Netflix. However, Cranston was just as popular as ever through his new hit show, Breaking Bad, about a teacher who begins dealing crystal meth to help pay for and fight his cancer. Sounds cool right? I can kind of vouch, I've only seen one episode, and only about ten minutes of one episode, but it was awesome. Cranston walks into some dealing warehouse, talks real badass to a drug warlord type person, and leaves. But you find out he planted a bomb while inside the warehouse, and the whole place explodes as Cranston walks away real cool.
Kanye also had a big 2012, kind of. He is married, I think, to a Kardashian, I think? And he had lots of cool songs, yeah yeah. Kanye will always be popular, but could we give David Letterman a nod for This Was Your Year? He's been doing cool stuff for as long as I've been alive, three times over. Kanye's been doing cool stuff for a decade, and so has Cranston (I really love Malcolm in the Middle, check this out!) Kanye, I'm sorry, I will always love you (by the way, RIP Whitney Houston, who passed away in February of 2012) and will almost always rap your songs on a daily basis, but I'm thinking upset here. Cranston's done it, he's upset Ye!
Two regions down, two to go. Up next, Tech and the "We Can Burn Brighter" region.
(1) Angry Birds app vs (8) Live Tweeting Everything Imaginable- Angry Birds is one of those number one seeds who made it here based on name, an easy schedule, or a weak competition because it really does not deserve the #1 seed. Angry Birds must have a cult of followers (not must have, it does. I've seen so many Angry Birds shirts and hats in the past year, I have to cry myself to sleep pretty often.) because its Facebook page is inflated with likes out the ass. On the other hand, every other person on Earth live-tweeted at some point over some major event, yet there really isn't even a page for this concept. How often are you watching a show when #(insert some wild occurrence or somewhat funny quote that just happened) appears in the top right corner, or if you're watching Elf during Christmas time and #world'sbestcupofcoffee appears at the bottom of the screen. And don't get me started about watching the Grammy's and #wewantPearlJam appears somewhere on the display. I can not imagine what the Super Bowl will be like in 2013, but rest assure #RG3isSuperHuman will shove itself in your face at some point if the Redskins make it.
Angry Birds has a cult following, I can not doubt that, and it was the top selling app this year. But that isn't good enough for a one seed, and we need some excitement so you have some reason to read this whole thing, so we're sending Angry Birds home early and Live Tweeting moves on. #NUGGETBLOGUPSETALERT
(4) Instagram vs (5) Pinterest- Instagram involves editing photos you've taken and refurbishing them to look really cool and surreal. It gives a sense of photography, which I think some people think is stupid, but I think is cool as some people really take advantage of how Instagram can fuel creativity. I actually enjoy seeing people's work on my news feed, which might sound sarcastic but is actually the truth (go figure). Thats not to say some people don't abuse it, but hey Tony Romo abuses the "I have such bad luck and I can't catch a break" face, but he keeps losing. I might have just indirectly given away who wins this matchup, but does anyone give a shit? Is anyone reading? If so, you're welcome.
Pinterest is mostly for the females out there (all my ladies getting down right here, we gonna partly like this all year). It is a site where people "pin" things to a wall, and these things can include anything interesting you find on the internet. The pinning allows easy access to finding cool stuff and eliminates having to remember what the sites are called since you can just find it under certain pages on your Pinterest wall. Its pretty cool. I don't have one, which after my Channing Tatum free-for-all might be hard to believe, but I have seen them in action and they are helpful. So helpful and necessity go to Pinterest, plus I am pretty sure Pinterest has more people using it. Most of the girls I know, and definitely my girlfriend, pin all the time. Plus, Instagram is a younger audience whereas Pinterest is more diversified. We're all about diversity at the Nugget Blog, after all, it is a wooden ship.
(3) Spotify vs (6) Iphone 5- Spotify is run through Facebook and it is pretty much an iTunes where any music is instantly at your fingertips through searching for an artist or album. It is free and only requires a one-time download. This is great because iTunes is awesome and convenient, minus the five people who still purchase from iTunes and the rest who download illegally. Spotify takes that inconvenience out of downloading, purchasing, illegalling, and sorting through what songs to get because mostly any music is readily available for free. I say mostly because unfortunately, the Chip Skylark and Kurt Angle albums might not be found on there. Spotify became such a fad so quickly, especially in the college spectrum, because people could open Facebook (something everyone does just about every second of everyday anyway) and have their music ready for them to listen too. It is free, convenient, its probably mostly legal and it has a huge variety. Thats a win, win, win, win in my book.
The iPhone 5 was a huge deal this year. Its announced release date was seen as more important than loved one's birthdays or MLK day to most, as it was sold out the day it came out. Back orders needed to be filed and parents began to be exiled by their teenagers who instantly fell in love with the new tecnology. The iPhone 5 was simply a must-have by not only the iPhone generation, but also those who didn't have an iPhone, but felt they should so not to be shunned. The absence of Spotify in one's life is not nearly as detrimental as that of an iPhone, especially in 2012, so the win goes to Apple.
(2) Hashtags vs (7) Facebook Timeline- If I was conducting this vital research through popularity alone, I wouldn't have to think twice about this one. Hashtags are used everyday all the time everywhere. #runonsentence. Hashtags are more popular in terms of acceptance, as when the Facebook Timeline profile layout was introduced, those who were bold enough to to the trial run instantly hated everything about their profile. And you would have thought the Fiscal Cliff came early when every Facebook user was forced into having the Timeline layout on their profile. Confusion, pointlessness and unwillingness to adapt to the complicated new layout were the main problems among the new Timeline, as well as having to chose a cover photo that only added stress to the 14-year old girls out there who didn't want to insult all oftheir friedns and start hours of gossip on their clique's iPhones. #beckyneedstogetittogetherbeforeislaphersilly. The fact that hashtags have made their ways to Facebook now makes it pretty easy. The Timeline might have been a big topic of discussion, but it would only move on if I was thinking of who had a shitty year where everyone hated you. Roger Goodell would do pretty well in that one too. Hashtags advance.
And finally, lets see who moves on from Politics/Inanimate Objects in the "Than The Sun" region. I should have realized this region would have a fruity name when I chose to name them after "We Are Young" lyrics. I knew I should have used "Behold A Lady" by Andre 3000. Next year.
(1) Barack Obama vs (8) Linsanity- Linsanity was a movement made because of Jeremy Lin. Lin came on the scene in early February when Carmelo Anthony went down. Lin stepped in and started point guard for the Knicks in his absence. Lin brought the struggling Knicks back to relevance, reeling off long winning streaks and making them exciting to watch again. And he had a really cool name and was Asian. Lin's popularity spread across the waters and maintained its full force even when Anthony returned. However, now there was a Team Lin and Team Anthony, except Team Anthony was about as empty as the government's savings account (let's see how many how shots I can take, jeez). The Knicks would go on to struggle again, and eventually lose in the first round of the playoffs pretty lackadaisically. Linsanity continued though when the Knicks traded the point guard to Houston, but died down when people realized they didn't really care about the Rockets, and honestly, did they really care about Lin.
Barack Obama, on the other hand, had a cool 2012. He won the election and beat Mitt Romney who called out the 47 percentile and spent a lot of money campaigning. Like the most ever. Obama got reelected, which I don't understand why that would be a personal win for him, but its a win in terms of my tournament. Whoever gets reelected President automatically has to move on at least one round. Thats right, I just made up a rule. Obama2012 won the election, invented Obamacare (which actually might be one of the only things holding Obama back from winning this thing, more to come at 11), looked smooth getting off jets, held the nation together as much as he could through so many tragedies, travesties and other things that describe a country thats going south (speaking of which, there were even talks of secession, what the fuck). Obama beats Jeremy Lin everyday of the week, we need to beat China in the categories we still can. If we can't beat them in the "Than The Sun" region of the First Annual Nugget Blog This Was Your Year Award Tournament, than what can we beat them in? USA! USA!
(4) Gangnam Style vs (5) YOLO- Okay, sorry to those of you who read this just for an insightful look into my opinions on the YOLO craze and the shittyass Korean song, but I won't give these the honor of anything. They are both incredibly stupid and annoying, and probably account for why the United States is failing as a society and also explains why good things don't happen more often. These two phenomona's made most of this nation more stupid and annoy the hell out of me. I don't walk around saying TSIB because we all know The Sky Is Blue, just look we're all pretty aware of the lone shot we get at life. I have never been persuaded by someone saying to me "Dude, who gives a shit. One more PBR and we'll be drunk enough to slow dance with that raccoon in the garbage! YOLOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" I also hate everything about the Gangnam Style song, the Korean guy who sings it, the fact that it is the most watched video in Youtube history and the people who actually enjoy it. Not the people who have it get stuck in their head, the people who have it on their iPod and say "Yes, this is my shit!" when it comes on. Because of those people, YOLO wins. But I'm not happy about it, tell them Kelly!
(3) Hurricane Sandy vs (6) Breaking Amish- Hurricane Sandy is nothing to joke about, as it took the lives of over 100 innocent people and temporarily or permanently ruined the lives of hundreds and thousands more. It caused widespread destruction up and down the eastern seaboard of the country, most notably the Jersey shore. It wreaked havoc on the entire coastline and miles inland, doing destruction thats costs are in the billions. Nothing there is funny, nothing there should be taken lightly. Hurricane Sandy was a true tragedy, and was responsible for the most destruction and money since 2005 when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans.
Breaking Amish, on the other hand, was to be taken very lightly, despite serious attempts for the opposite. I'm sorry, but much of it was so obviously fake and plotted that it could only be taken as a joke. The fact that TLC thought they could make a serious drama out of six "Amish" people leaving their "Amish families and communities" for New York is pretty hilarious. There is no way they had me convinced that nobody in that show was an actor, and by nobody, I mean everyone. The show did make a splash though, and I did watch almost every episode. And you can guarandamntee that it paved the way for Amish Mafia, which is also obviously staged, but a lot more entertaining. In the end, both of these had a big 2012 for different reasons, but we'll give this one to Hurricane Sandy. Here's a place to donate to the red cross to help fund relief: https://www.redcross.org/donate/index.jsp?donateStep=2&scode=RSG00000E017&itemId=prod10001&subcode=paiddonations&gclid=CPawnNydxbQCFY-d4AodCTEAVw
(2) The Hunger Games vs (7) The Mayans and 12-21-12- This is the ultimate upset in the making. The Mayans and their prediction for the world to end on December 21, 2012 (which ended up being false, HA!) was years in the making, seriously. Not only relatively small years, since I remember first joining a group on Facebook back in 2008 called "The day after 12-21-12" and thinking it was hilarious and also so far away. Now it is a past event, that I attended, may I sassily add to my Mayan readers. WE'RE STILL HERE 2013!
But also, the Mayans predicted that date as the end of the world centuries ago, so really the fact that this story is a seven seed is incredible (damn people need to start making pages and liking it to better correlate with my pointless blog ideas). This was a story centuries in the making, we weren't talking about how cool Haymitch's character in The Hunger Games was in the year 2. Well, at least I don't think so, although I wouldn't be surprised since he was easily the coolest one in the book, and easily my answer for fictional or nonfictional person, dead or alive who you'd most and least like to get blackout drunk with. Go ahead and take a few moments to think about your answer to that one.......
In the end, The Hunger Games craze was no doubt a big part of 2012, obviously since so many people liked it on Facebook and went to see it in theaters as we discussed earlier. But was it really more important and widespread than the world ending? To think so would be selfish, and theres no room for selfishness in that blog, I thought we checked that at the door. Mayans may have gotten the apocalypse wrong, but they have a good standing in winning this thing, I have a gut feeling.
Sweet Sixteen
The Sweet Sixteen is shaping up to be pretty intense and closely contested. In the words of philanthropist Kid Rock, "I didn't come from a trailer park. I grew up middle class and my dad had money and my mom made my lunch. I got a car when I was sixteen. I'm proud of that." With those words to live by, the "Tonight, We Are Young" region:
(1) LeBron James vs (5) CM Punk- The King vs The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Wrestler of All-Time. This one might seem like a lock for James to those who do not watch wrestling, care about wrestling, believe professional wrestling is a sport, important, entertaining, or important, and everyone else. But for those of us who appreciate what professional wrestling is, and who obviously don't have much of a life, we understand this one is actually much closer. Punk rose from the heralded Ring of Honor, where wrestling is an art and taught like a religion. Punk may be in a business that is going through a weird transition right now from sports entertainment to reality television, but he would have survived in any of professional wrestling's eras, from the 1940's to the Ruthless Aggression era of the past decade. Punk knows how to wrestle technically, he knows how to survive in a street fight, he knows how to perform as a babyface and a heel, he knows to use the microphone, he knows how to push Vince McMahon's buttons to get what he wants, which is usually what the fans wants, and it shows by his year-plus long reign as WWE Champion. Punk is the best at what he does.
But so is LeBron James, which brings us to what can decide this question. What is more impressive, having the best 2012 in terms of professional wrestling or basketball? The king of the WWE or the NBA? More children know who LeBron James is than George Washington and more James jerseys sell than any basketball player in the league while Kobe Bryant is still playing. James is a worldwide face and name, he owns this planet as the most notable athlete, and has a strong case for the most gifted and talented athlete on this planet as well. Punk is exceptional at his job, and had a fantastic 2012. But to say he had a bigger, better, more influential and more popular and more successful 2012 than LeBron James? That might not be fair to say for anyone. James to the Elite Eight.
(2) Usain Bolt vs (3) Michael Phelps- Since both Phelps and Bolt won gold this year and both are famous across the globe for being exceptionally good at their respective crafts and dominating the Olympics and making all of us who can't even go to the gym once a week look like absolute assclowns, I need to look elsewhere to decide who wins this dream matchup between Olympic legends. And I have the perfect idea. I would have done who I thought was cooler, but I think Phelps is a Ravens fan (automatic 10 on the chart for me) and Bolt is Bolt (also an automatic 10 on the chart for me, he also is Jamaican which is really cool, but Phelps smokes pot and they do that down there I think so that cancels out, I think. I'll have to check the handbook).
I typed Michael Phelps hilarious interview into Google, and found this: anyone ever heard of bling-shot? How about bong-shot? Miley Cyrus has!
I typed Usain Bolt hilarious interview into Google, and found this: #wishiwasjamaican
If I even need to say who wins, you don't understand the integrity this tournament brings to the table. Bolt wins in a landslide in the Google hilarious interview section, which is a landslide in any section in my book. Bolt just moved up a notch in the odds to win this thing based solely on how cool he was in that interview, wait until the voters see this: my best was 12-something. #iwishiwasjamaican
With the sports world drawing closer to a winner, let's narrow the Pop Culture and Entertainment category down. On to the "So Let's Set The World On Fire" region:
(1) Carly Rae Jepsen vs (4) Jennifer Lawrence- This is another tight matchup, pinning two young and talented female stars against each other who both had an awesome 2012. One had probably the song of the year while one starred in arguably the most famous movie of the year (to say movie of the year would do Think Like A Man dirty). Neither of them are older than 22. Both of them have a lot going for them and both of them undoubtedly left their marks on 2012. But Jennifer Lawrence has an insanely bright future, Jepsen, eh.
Jepsen already came out with a song after Call Me Maybe, and it made me want to punt things. Anything. It was a terrible song that I'm pretty sure lasted a shorter amount of time on the radio than the government has put into seriously figuring out the fiscal cliff (thats gotta be jab like 8 or 9, I'm changing my major to Global and Political Affairs or Marketing. Bonus points out the ass: indirect jab at the government while pointing out my jab, and jabbing me since I am majoring in marketing. Why has no one called me yet to write for their paper when I can pull that off and post links like this and this.) What I'm trying to say is Jepsen can only and has only gone down from her smash hit and global craze of 2012, and probably does not have all that much of a future after this year. Although I said the same thing about Hilary Duff, and look where she is. For this reason, I'm giving this one to Jepsen since Lawrence has a future. That's not the only reason, its a big one, but Jepsen did make quite a phenomena with her song. Call Me Maybe is literally like the Pledge of Allegiance now, everyone in America knows at least the chorus.
(3) Channing Tatum vs (7) Bryan Cranston- Tatum had an incredible 2012, making movies after movies showing off his body and funny personality that writers gave him and also won "Sexiest Man Alive". Thats a tough year to beat, although Cranston did star in a hit TV show. Tatum didn't appear on TV shows very often, except late night TV shows to showcase the awesome and hit movies he was starring in.
Sorry, Cranston, I didn't mean to downplay your accomplishments from this year and I will do you a bid in a very formal way. You were hilarious in Malcolm in the Middle, so to see you starring in a drama was a little strange, but you made the transition seem effortless. Thats truly amazing. Breaking Bad is a great show with awesome lead acting coming from you. But would you even vote for yourself over Tatum? The man starred in the ultimate chick flick, a stripper movie that loosely was about his past, and won "Sexiest Man Alive". He also announced him and his wife, Jenna Dewan, are expecting their first child. That year is not possible to beat, is it? Had I somehow made it into someones tournament for the best 2012, would I vote for myself over Tatum? I might. Should I? Nope. Tatum moves on.
The Technology region has been updated since we last saw, and will now be started off with this article that is mandatory to read!
(8) Live-Tweeting Everything Imaginable vs (5) Pinterest- Ah, we revisit our old friend live-tweeting everything. Everything. As I type this, what is the number one trending thing on Yahoo!? It is about a Teen Mom 2 divorce that literally took place two hours ago. How is that trending worldwide already!? The fact that live-tweeting is such a goofy concept, making a tweet about something so many people know, will know or are encountering, works proves that its gonna be a tough out here. This trend caught on like fire to Gary Bettmans suit, and it doesn't show any signs of stopping. Live-tweeting is starting to go to stores, where people could tweet about where they are finding deals while they shopped during Christmas.
Pinterest's downfall is that it seems like its been around so much longer than it has. Its associated with Facebook now, and it feels like having Facebook in this. Facebook has been big, it can't have a big 2012 for remaining big. Maybe its not fair to group Pinterest in this way, but I can't help it. Also, Pinterest drew a bad opponent in live-tweeting. This was probably the biggest cultural bomb since Woodstock, or at least since Justin Timberlake groped Janet Jackson during the Super Bowl. Live-tweeting moves on, so let's tweet about it.
(2) Hashtags vs (6) iPhone 5- Stauses like this make this one tougher: "Going to get my beloved iPhone 5 <3 5="5" a="a" about="about" and="and" anything="anything" awesome="awesome" battle="battle" be="be" because="because" brain="brain" brings="brings" but="but" by="by" can="can" comes="comes" continues="continues" data="data" even="even" ever="ever" everyone="everyone" font="font" for="for" gave="gave" gets="gets" great="great" had="had" happiness="happiness" hashtag.="hashtag." hashtag="hashtag" hashtags="hashtags" have="have" hell="hell" however="however" hurts="hurts" if="if" in="in" iphone="iphone" is="is" it="it" its="its" know="know" life="life" lifeisgreat="lifeisgreat" like="like" might="might" millions="millions" months="months" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" ot="ot" out="out" people="people" purchased="purchased" question="question" rather="rather" region="region" rights="rights" show="show" sits="sits" so="so" stats="stats" statues="statues" symbol.="symbol." t="t" technology="technology" that="that" the="the" they="they" this:="this:" this="this" three="three" to="to" touched="touched" tougher="tougher" unconsciously="unconsciously" up="up" wait="wait" wasn="wasn" we="we" while="while" why="why" wishihadmyiphone5togivemeaheadmassage="wishihadmyiphone5togivemeaheadmassage" wishiwasjamaican="wishiwasjamaican" with="with" would="would" year="year">
I think this one comes down to the iPhone 5 giving you the resources to hashtag. We couldn't hashtag without a means to hit that button (although those people would still say the word "hashtag", and by those people I mainly mean me). Twitter apps and the # button are found on the iPhone 5. Plus, when I say to myself "Is Curt Schilling a Hall of Famer", the first thing I think is no, but when I say "Is Ken Griffey, Jr. a Hall of Famer", I say yes. Its the eye test and it works, if at first it doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. Like when I think "This tastes like vodka, I shouldn't drink this at the gym", somethings probably off. Maybe. So when I say "Did a hashtag have a more popular and successful 2012 than the fucking iPhone 5?" I can say no, and I can advance the iPhone 5.
Final round of the Sweet Sixteen calls for a shootout to the movie Sixteen Candles. If it was 1984, you would probably make it as far as Michael Jackson, since he was burned that year in that Pepsi commercial. #lol. Here's the "Than The Sun" region.
(1) Barack Obama vs (5) YOLO- Now that we're about seventy thousand words into this monstrosity, I think we all know how passionate I am about my hatred for the term YOLO. I think we might get that I support Obama over Romney. I think we get YOLO had a big year for some reason, but Obama was reelected as President. Barely, but he was. And he continued to play basketball with the Chicago Bulls. That's cool YOLO isn't. Obama wins.
(3) Hurricane Sandy vs (7) The Mayans and 12-21-12- I wonder if the Mayans are proud of their berth in the Sweet Sixteen? They may be explaining their goof of getting the end of the world wrong and defending it with their run in this tournament. I would. "Yeah, we got it wrong , but that This Was Your Year Award would look really good on the mantle!". Speaking of which, I haven't even thought about what the trophy will look, shit!
Hurricane Sandy was a big story in 2012, but it wasn't as big as Hurricane Katrina for some reason. Was it because it hit the Jersey Shore, and people now associate that with guidos and dickheads and sluts? Probably a main reason. Was it because Katrina just sounds cooler than Sandy? A biggie for me! For whatever reason, Sandy just didn't leave an indelible mark on the nation in 2012 as Katrina did in 2005. Timing, destruction, placement, I'm not sure why, I am not a meteorologist, but it just didn't leave that mark. The Mayans did, and they caused zero destruction. They let people down who were anticipating catastrophe, how many people can say that? And they did it some handful of centuries after they all died out! I know I say this a lot, but I don't know how anyone will beat this entry. The Mayans are out for blood to make up for goofing on the end of humanity. Mayans move on!
Elite Eight
All right, we're getting there guys! Only a few more rounds, no peaking! First, sports.
(1) LeBron James vs (2) Usain Bolt- Now this tough, because two important things to me are what have you done for society in 2012 and what have you done for the nation of me in 2012. James takes the society one, he is a worldwide and cultural icon, he won an NBA championship, he's the best basketball player alive, blah blah blah. Bolt wins my vote though because he's incredibly gifted, the fastest man ever, and he's really cool and funny. Do I need to make you watch that video again? Comedic genius. I think I just accidentally started a man crush on Usain Bolt. Whoops.
When I first looked at the sports region, I thought "Who could really beat LeBron? I know I don't like him, but come on, he's LeBron James.". The mere fact that I thought that shows you who has to represent the sports region in the Final Four no matter who faced him: LeBron James. LeBron James is almost symbolic of sports. True, Bolt is at a disadvantage because he runs and participates in a sport that is not commercialized like basketball is. James has the perk of marketing and ESPN sucking on his......to go with him. But that's life, that helps. Think there isn't someone in Small Town, America who saved a child's life this year? The teacher in the Newtown shooting, she didn't get much recognition about it. She had a bigger year in my opinion than any of these people. The single mom who made it one more year raising her kids by herself? 2012 was her year. The student who got bullied in school but still showed up and got good grades and stayed strong while everything was telling him to give up? 2012 was his year. So many good people don't get recognition through TV, radio, Twitter that deserve it. To them, God bless you.
Back to the tournament now, James has the advantage of that commercialization, and there is nothing wrong with that. James is the King of sports right now, and he will represent this region. Sorry Bolt, I hope we can still be friends.
On to the "So Let's Set The World On Fire" region!
(1) Carly Rae Jepsen vs (3) Channing Tatum- Now I know Channing Tatum is married and happy, well I guess I don't know him that well, but I'm assuming he is (oh, gosh, I hope he isn't reading!!!). And I don't know how old he is, but wouldn't Tatum and Jepsen be a cute couple? NO? I don't really either, but I wanted to break the ice for this matchup, because I can't eliminate either of them!
Tatum starred in three movies and won "Sexiest Man Alive"! Jepsen sand Call Me Maybe. How can either not make it onto the Final Four. Alas, I can only pick one. Jepsen, you're moving on. Tatum gets knocked not because he didn't have an awesome 2012, he did. He gets knocked for simply being in the same region as Jepsen. Tatum may never have a year like he just did again, not many actors do. Three movies! Starred in three movies! That shits incredible. I need to take a break, I'm over thinking and I think I forgot my middle name for a second just now.
T-E-C-H! T-E-C-H!
(8) Live-Tweeting Everything Imaginable vs (6) iPhone 5- By far the easiest of the Elite Eight match ups. Live-Tweeting was coming out of this region from the get-go. I knew it, and you guys should have known it because I tweeted about it.
The iPhone 5 had a good, improbable run. I thought about eliminating it for the dream matchup like Luke vs Darth Vader with Hashtags vs Live-Tweets, but couldn't do it for the sanctity of the game. The phone was popular, there is no doubting that, but it couldn't handle what live tweets did for social media and our culture this year. Every single TV show or event had live tweets. Bleacher Report, ESPN, the MTV Music Awards, even that Hurricane Sandy concert, everything had the option to live tweet. We can live tweet everything! Live tweets, you're going to Canton!
And our last stop before the Final Four in Canton, the Politics/Inanimate Objects region!
(1) Barack Obama vs (7) The Mayans and 12-21-12- This is the matchup of the tournament so far. In one corner, the man who is trying to keep the nation and society going. Keep us from chaos and war and fire and brimstone and Kane. The man who wants to hold this world together. In the other corner, the people who promised us that 2012 would bring chaos and war and fire and brimstone and Kane (well, Kane was around). The people who knew the world would fall apart and destruction of mankind as we know it would ensue. The people who thought 12-21-12 would be the end of time, well let me tell you something Mayans, fuck that. Excuse my language, but fuck that. We're still here.
So you might be thinking that Obama won this then by default since we're still here. Oh hell no, he doesn't get that luxury. It is by no means thanks to him we are still here. And you might be thinking he's going to get a free pass into the Final Four because he won the election, since that has basically gotten him here so far. I can't tell you how blind you're being, reader. Blind! I brought Obama through the Round of 32 solely based on his reelection, but he got to the Elite Eight because he is elite at being cool. But the Final Four brings his demise for one simple reason. Sure, he was reelected, but he damn close lost the popular vote and only won the whole damn thing by an incredibly small margin. We were really close to pushing Obama out in a few days and bringing in Romney. Like, really close. And for that reason, Obama's coolness is discounted, the Mayans being relevant for centuries is counted and the Mayans are moving on!
Final Four
So to recap, the Final Four is as follows:
Winner of the Sports Region ("Tonight, We Are Young")- LeBron James vs
Winner of the Pop Culture Region ("So Let's Set The World On Fire")- Carly Rae Jepsen
Winner of the Technology Region ("We Can Burn Brighter")- Live-Tweeting vs
Winner of the Politics/Inanimate Objects Region ("Than The Sun")- The Mayans/12-21-12
First Matchup: LeBron James vs Carly Rae Jepsen
These two owned 2012, this could have very well been the Finals matchup with the years these peeps had. James winning titles, Jepsen winning radio plays. This really is a tough call, since so many people would go with James, maybe mostly because "Sure, Jepsen sang Call Me Maybe, but no one knows who she is! Its LeBron she's going up against!". To those people, I see where you are coming from. LeBron James is right up there with most recognizable names with George Washington, Barack Obama, BIll Gates and Carson Daly. Jepsen is along more of the Stuart Scotts and Lenny Kravitzi of the world. But that is no matter, if I wanted to make an award for who more people know, I would have. Maybe I will to shut the haters up, because Martha, fasten up, Carly Rae Jepsen is going to the Championship Match!!!
Jepsen simply created an hysteria. Call Me Maybe has in turn spawned so many poof videos, videos created of celebrities singing the song, a senior home singing the song, college kids dancing to it, the list goes on and you can find all of the videos on Youtube or on Taylor Swift's laptop history. James can't do that. Kids who love basketball pretend to be LeBron James taking game winning shots. But so many more people sing that song and even make videos to it. A group of college baseball players danced to it and put it on Youtube, those punks have more pride than the lawmakers deciding on the fiscal cliff (Me-10, Fiscal Cliff People-0). Jepsen caused change through a song, a song that will probably be a one-hit wonder for her, but a song that owned, and I mean owned, 2012. Congrats Jepsen, you beat LeBron just like so many others did before 2012.
Second Matchup: Live-Tweeting Everything Imaginable vs The Mayans and 12-21-12
While you're reading this, let me ask you, are you live tweeting about it? The answer is probably no since if you are still reading, you probably have tuned out or could not give any less of a shit anymore and are simply into deep to give up like I am right now. But the answer is no. Now let me ask you this, are you alive? Physically, not emotionally since, again, you probably didn't realize you signed up for a novel when you began reading. You're answer is probably yes.
So, how could live tweeting possibly beat the Mayans? It can't.
The Mayans had a much bigger 2012 than live tweeting did, and thats saying something. I have stayed up to date by so many football and baseball games this year that I was unable to watch on television or illegally on some Russian website through live tweets that it is not easy to do this. I have never hung out with any Mayans (as far as I know) so its personal with live tweets. I have made maybe six tweets in the two or three years I've had a Twitter, and one of them was a live tweet about the Ravens. There have probably been more live tweets this year than new TBS sitcoms. But in the end, the Mayans had a bigger one. They predicted the end of the world and all, we know the story by now. End of the world > live tweets, seven days a week.
Final Matchup for The Nugget Blog First Annual This Was Your Year Award
Carly Rae Jepsen vs The Mayans and 12-21-12
In the end, I knew who would win this from the beginning. Once I got through the Sweet Sixteen, and I looked over who was left, I thought "_____ has to win this". 2012 would not have been the same without.....the Mayans.
There was a freaking movie named after the Mayans apocalypse prediction! It was called 2012. How could the Mayans not be the most important part of the year they predicted would end it all? Its a given! You should have seen this coming! Maybe some of you did, and you skipped right here to the end, and to those people, I commend you. Good job, good start to the new year. To the rest, the Mayans simply had a better 2012 than anyone else because this year was all about them. Not many days went by when someone didn't mention the end of the world coming at some point, and even though it might have been done sometimes through a social media outlet like hashtags, we wouldn't have social media had the Mayans been right. 2012...Mayans. They go hand in hand. Jepsen, you had a huge 2012, congratulations and you were pretty awkwardly funny on the Ryan Seacrest Show on New Year's Eve. But you'd be nothing if the Mayans were right, and 2012 would be nothing as well.
Congrats Mayans, at least 2012 gave you something to be proud of. Happy New Years y'all!!
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