Don't kick yourself if you have a major surgery or an endangered spices to save this Sunday, because you ain't missing nothing but the most sleep-inducing slate of football games in the history of ever. And it starts in two days with Awkward White Boy QB vs Boring White Boy QB on Thursday night! Take your pick on whether or not thats my man Kirk or my homey Eli.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
New York Giants @ Washington Redskins
My Pick: Washington Fantasy Impact Player: Alfred Morris
Thursday night games are sloppy, if we've learned anything from them in the past few years. How many well played Thursday night games can you remember off the top of your head? In addition, it is much easier to be the home team on Thursday night, not having to worry about traveling in a short week. At the end of the day, I think I am picking the home team on Thursday nights for the rest of the season. Also, I like Alfred Morris again.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Carolina Panthers @ Baltimore Ravens
My Pick: Baltimore Fantasy Impact Player: Joe Flacco
I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for my man Joey F's breakout game, and what a better time to do it than when his number one receiver (Steve Smith, Sr) plays his old team, whom he is very pissed off at?! The Panthers just got their asses handed to them by Pittsburgh, who are significantly less talented than Baltimore's team as a whole. The Panthers are banged up and have as close to a nonexistent running game as possible. I love me some Ravens this week.
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears
My Pick: Chicago Fantasy Impact Player: Jay Cutler
I have picked the Bears all year and I'm sticking behind my initial wild card team. I'm sticking behind my fantasy quarterback. I'm giving up on the Packers. They really just might not be good anymore, for a handful of reasons. I don't think Mike McCarthy is the same, brilliant and creative leader that he was when he took over in Green Bay. I think he's stale in 2014. Eddie Lacy turned into a ball of Play-Doh over night and doesn't resemble even somewhat his style from last season. And Aaron Rodgers has no protection, he is a sitting duck in the pocket. And their defense sucks. So yeah, there's a few reasons to mail it on the Pack Attack.
Buffalo Bills @ Houston Texans
My Pick: Houston Fantasy Impact Player: Alfred Blue
Both of these teams were surprising 2-0 teams, at least to the general public, this year. Buffalo being Buffalo and Houston being 2-14 last year. Both suffered somewhat embarrassing losses on Sunday, the Bills hosting the Chargers and the Texans losing to the futile Giants. Buffalo shouldn't be too down about losing to a Super Bowl contender, but they also should get used to losing. The Texans need to be remorseful about what happened last week. Ryan Fitzpatrick may not be the answer and Arian Foster may be hurt, which is why my main man Alfred Blue will be making headlines on Sunday and just remember the little people at The Nugget Blog who told you first!
Tennessee Titans @ Indianpolis Colts
My Pick: Indianapolis Fantasy Impact Player: Andrew Luck
First off, I don't see any reason to bet against Andrew Luck in terms of fantasy football for the rest of the season and probably his career. Second off, I think this is my sure bet of the week. Can the Colts possibly start 1-3 while the Titans win and go to 2-2? I just can't fathom it.
Detroit Lions @ New York Jets
My Pick: New York Jets Fantasy Impact Player: Matthew Stafford for all the wrong reasons
I see a turnover ridden day for the Lions and an upset in New York at the hands of Geno Smith and the Jets. Every once in a while these Jets surprise us and remind us not to write them off yet, and winning this game against a Lions team coming off a nice win at home last week is that memo. And for the record, anyone who thinks the Jets should bench Geno Smith is a moron.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Pittsburgh Steelers
My Pick: Pittsburgh Fantasy Impact Player: Le'Veon Bell
I don't see a scenario where the Steelers don't just decide to, shit, run the ball down the Buccaneers throat all game. This defense just gave up 56 points to the Falcons, take advantage of them. I don't see a blowout, I see a 20-7 crapshoot. Even worse.
Remember, I said this week sucks.
Miami Dolphins @ Oakland Raiders
My Pick: Miami Fantasy Impact Player: Lamar Miller
This game would have been fun in 1978, this game will suck in 2014. This game would be the one I would watch only if I was facing death, kidney stones, malaria, falling in a pile of horse shit, rooting for the Steelers or Yankees, being stuck in an elevator with Rob Schneider or Channing Tatum, or watching a mini marathon of Girl Meets World. Those are the only things that come to mind that would be more devastating than watching this game. Roger Goodell did not need Week 4 to try and remind people to love football and forget about him. This will only infuriate us more.
Jacksonville Jaguars @ San Diego Chargers
My Pick: San Diego Fantasy Impact Player: Phillip Rivers
Against any other team, I would be worried about the Chargers this week. Back and forth from coast to coast to coast, and they just lost Danny Woodhead for the season. However, the Jaguars are giving up about 40 points a game right now. So, yeah.
Atlanta Falcons @ Minnesota Vikings
My Pick: Atlanta Fantasy Impact Player: Matt Ryan
I just think everyone is jumping on this Falcons bandwagon a little too early. Wait, NO I DON'T BAYBAY! I'm driving this thing home for some good ol' southern style chicken and some mashed tates with Steven Jackson and Matty Ice! We're going to the playoffs!!!
Philadelphia Eagles @ San Francisco 49ers
My Pick: San Francisco Fantasy Impact Player: The 49ers defense
This might be the only mildly entertaining game this Sunday, and I don't think it will even be mildly entertaining. I also have a hard time getting a gage on what will happen in this one. I could see the 49ers bouncing back and figuring out this Eagles offense, slowing them down and winning a 10-7 snoozefest. I'm obviously banking on that one. However, I could just as easily see the Niners folding early because Kaepernick isn't actually a good quarterback and losing 34-10. I'm on a seesaw of emotions with this one.
New Orleans Saints @ Dallas Cowboys
My Pick: New Orleans Fantasy Impact Player: Drew Brees
Eventually, Road Drew Brees needs to have a decent game, road Saints need to win a game and the Cowboys can't start 3-1. That is all that went through mind to make this the easiest pick of the week.
Monday, September 29, 2014
New England @ Kansas City Chiefs
My Pick: Kansas City Fantasy Impact Player: Knile Davis
Why the hell not pick the Chiefs? Do I see this happening for real, for real? Maybe not. I wouldn't count it thought. The Patriots couldn't score two touchdowns agains the Raiders at home. They look sloppy and boring and old and not skilled at football, which is what they play. So, on possibly the worst week in the history of scheduled NFL games, sure, I'll take the Chiefs.
Last Week: 11-5
Season Total: 26-22
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