1. Seattle Seahawks
Seattle begins its title defense on Thursday night against a hungry Packers team. Its been since before I won Best Eyes in grade school that the team to win the Super Bowl has won a playoff game the following year. Was this just a plug for my Best Eyes award? You bet your damn ass! Regardless of facts or fax, the Seahawks or still the most talented team in football.
2. San Francisco 49ers
The NFC West is loaded. The 49ers could have easily been playing in their second consecutive Super Bowl last season. Colin Kaepernick was a man on a mission at the end of last year. This defense, this offense and this coaching staff are simply all too good to be anything other than number two.
3. Denver Broncos
I actually don't know how long they will be here in the top three. Peyton Manning is a year older. Wes Welker is suspended for four games due to
4. Indianapolis Colts
A lot of so called "experts" don't love this team as much as the true expert, your's truly, does. Andrew Luck, Reggie Wayne, a promising-ish defense. Their run game is the only real thing I don't believe in, but you could talk me into believing in Trent Richardson again. He was on my fantasy team two years ago and half of last year before he took a shit on everything.
5. New England Patriots
By default, the Patriots make the top five because I still like Tom Brady, I still like this defense, and I still like their running game. I don't like their receivers, I don't trust their offensive line. Do they finish the season in the top five? Not entirely likely with how much I will overvalue the...
6. Green Bay Packers
Aaron Rodgers is healthy, Eddie Lacy is a beast no one knew about and that defense just needs to be good enough to hold teams late for this team to be a true Super Bowl contender. I love this Green Bay team probably a little too much, but hey. I also over love Family Guy and Nathan for You.
7. Chicago Bears
Oh, and the Chicago Bears. Here me out on this one. There are three decently sized "ifs" that could lead to a Chicago Bears Super Bowl championship (this is where I lose everyone):
1) Marc Trestman is actually a decent head coach who could instill enough leadership in his team to at least not turn into the 2013 Lions.
2) Jay Cutler plays all 16 games (my fantasy team would be very thankful)
3) The defense improves behind Jared Allen and Lamar Houston and the loss of Julius Peppers. If all three of those things happen, and you heard it here first, AT THE VERY LEAST, chalk my Bears up for the NFC champion t-shirts! #BearsBowlNuggets
8. New Orleans Saints
Too much Drew Brees to fall out of the top eight. They need to learn how to win on the road though to move much further up.
9. Baltimore Ravens
Am I a homer? The Simpsons marathon was a mainstay on my television and I did fall asleep more than a couple times watching everyone's favorite Homer, but I don't think I'm being one here. But maybe that's the definition of a homer. Anyway, the Ravens sured up the middle of their defense, I like CJ Mosley a lot and they added some veteran presence to their receiving corp in Steve Smith (Sr.). The Ray Rice thing is ugly, the way the league handled it is even worse. But Joe Flacco has a bounce back year and this team at least wins the division with the schedule they have.
10. Cincinnati Bengals
Andy Dalton and the Redheads (good band name or a tragic one? Can't decide) are justtttt a little bit behind the Ravens, hence, they are the next ranked team. I really love Giovanni Bernard to be this year's Eddie Lacy at running back. If Dalton can take the next leap forward, this team could finally win a playoff game or two.
11. San Diego Chargers
I want this team to improve, I want this team to win a championship for Phillip Rivers. Despite the fact that I think he is the most hysterical hothead that can't be taken seriously in league history, I like the guy. He is probably the best quarterback to come out of the 2004 draft. You put him on those Steelers teams and he wins as many if not more titles than Big Ben. You put him on those Giants teams that got hot at the right time and he wins as many if not more titles than Eli. Phil just got caught with a shitty coach and a shitty system, which seems to be finally turning around. Also, did I mention I love this offense?
12. Philadelphia Eagles
This was probably the hardest team for me to rank. I have no doubts that they will win the NFC East, unless LeSean McCoy gets drafted into the Navy or Tony Romo turns good. I do doubt that they are actually as good as people are crediting them for this season, though. Winning the NFC East will be product of a weak division, not so much product of a talented team. They lost DeSean Jackson and that defense still can't stop anyone. And is Nick Foles really a quarterback to trust?
13. Pittsburgh Steelers
Pittsburgh has gotten significantly younger on defense but they haven't improved on offense, especially up front protecting a decrepit Big Ben. I do like the talent at running back finally, but the receivers are now the thin position. A tough schedule makes for a likely third place, eight win season.
14. Arizona Cardinals
If Arizona had a quarterback not named Carson Palmer, and if they didn't play the Seahawks and 49ers four times this season, I think this team would be an eleven or twelve win team. The defense is downright nasty in all aspects of the game, they have a stud running back that they want to build around in Andre Ellington, and they still own one of the best receivers in football history in Larry Fitzgerald. They just play in a loaded division and for some reason start Carson Palmer who was good back before I won Best Eyes.
15. Detroit Lions
If winning games only took scoring 30 points, the Lions would be Super Bowl contenders. You might think this was a true, but ridiculous stat. Detroit only scored 30 points five times last season, matching the amount of games that they scored twenty or less. That notoriously scary offense might have lost its touch, which might be entirely to blame on Jim Schwartz and Matthew Stafford's health. If so, the Lions might have a bounce back season in 2014.
16. Kansas City Chiefs
I had to put this team in the middle. Is there anyway they start out 9-0 ever again? Probably not. This team regresses, but by how much is the question. The answer relies solely on other team's ability to control Jamaal Charles and Andy Reid's ability to read the score from the sideline.
17. Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons are a trendy team to have a bounce back season this year, mostly due to the fact that they slipped so far in 2013 because of major injury issues. Julio Jones, Steven Jackson and Roddy White should all be healthy for Matty Ice this year, spelling well for all of those Braves fans who just got SHUT OUT BY THE LAST PLACE PHILLIES, BITCH!
18. New York Jets
Did I overrate this team tremendously like a month ago when I did my initial predictions? Hell yeah, man. Did I remind myself that Rex Ryan still coaches this team, that they still have a quarterback that couldn't win a championship if the other team didn't show up and that they still have no players a person should draft for their fantasy team? Yup, sure did.
19. Carolina Panthers
Everyone is picking them to drop dramatically. If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? Sorry Cam, but this time, I'm jumping. No receiver on this team was a Panther last year. They made no upgrades to their weak running game and their defense is still wide open for me to audition for.
20. Miami Dolphins
Miami might be good, but I don't think Ryan Tannehill will have the chance to show us if he is constantly being sacked. Plus they are another team with no players on either side of the ball to be really excited to watch. I take that highly in my rankings.
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I am on the bandwagon of people thinking this team will improve, but they did only win four games last season, so seven wins is an improvement. To the people picking this team to win the NFC South, kiss my ass, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass.
22. Houston Texans
My main man Tom Savage made the team but probably won't see a snap this year unless someone gets hurt. Arian Foster is healthy, Andre Johnson is healthy and JJ Watt is making commercials. Why don't I have this team higher? Because they just traded for Ryan Mallet, my least favorite backup quarterback of all time.
23. Minnesota Vikings
If Terry Bridgewater gets decent playing time, turns out to be good and Roger Goodell personally changes their schedule around, this team could make a run at eight wins. Adrian Peterson is still the best player in football, Cordoralle Patterson is my pick to be a stud this year on this offense and Norv Turner has the offensive know-how to get as much as possible with this cast. That being said, I think I just sealed the deal on a 4-12 season for this team, so, sorry.
24. St. Louis Rams
The minute Sam Bradford went down for the season, this team dropped from a team with playoff aspirations to a six win team playing for Shaun freaking Hill. No way Shaun Hill gets ranked above 24 on this list. Plus, the whole Michael Sam thing probably ruined the mojo on this team, and not because he is gay but because ESPN ruined football for everyone by over-over covering the whole mess.
25. New York Giants
Apparently Ben McAdoo was supposed to save this offense in New York, but we saw anything but in the preseason. If Eli Manning keeps looking like an apple at a vegetable convention, this team will finish last in the conference this season. Like my fruits and veggies analogy? See, the Nugget Blog is fun for the whole family. Here's a link to the Food Pyramid, boys and girls. I swear it is.
26. Washington
Who will be the quarterback by the end of the season in Washington? Its tough to call, but I can't help but think RGIII finishes out the year if he is healthy. If I'm Dan Snyder, I'm trading Kirk Cousins while I can still get a lot for him. Teams will buy high on him right now and he has only really played one half of great football. Why not end this controversy, put your faith in a marketable, young quarterback and get the most of what you can for Cousins?
27. Dallas Cowboys
You could switch all three of these NFC East teams on me and I wouldn't notice. Why did I rank Dallas last then? Because I don't think this defense has any chance at breaking records for most points allowed in a season or most yards allowed in a season, something they almost did last year. The offense will score, but this defense will be historically shitty.
28. Tennessee Titans
While I do think Jake Locker will be a decent starting quarterback in the NFL, I don't think he'll ever bring a championship to Tennessee. Or even come close for that matter. I think he'll simply be one of those guys who throws 22 touchdowns, 13 interceptions and 3,100 yards every year while going 7-9, 8-8 or 9-7 forever.
29. Jacksonville Jaguars
I like Gus Bradley and I think I like Blake Bortles. I don't like Toby Gerhart or anyone on this team. Is Justin Blackmon still alive?
30. Cleveland Browns
Johnny Football will be the starter in Cleveland by Week 12 and all hell will break loose. I think this team is a year or two and an entirely new quarterback away from honestly competing.
31. Buffalo Bills
The defense surprised us last year but then Jairus Byrd packed his bags in the offseason, so expect them to suck again. CJ Spiller is trade bait. Kyle Orton is making more than certified doctors to hold a clipboard on the sideline. It isn't pretty in Buffalo right now.
32. Oakland Raiders
Yup. No surprise here. I thought David Carr was the old David Carr of the Falcons when I first saw his name (I'm not a huge college football fan, so don't blame me), so that should perfectly summarize their season for you.
Last Week: 0-0
j
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment