Are We There Yet?

The NBA offseason is sometimes as entertaining as the regular season itself, or at least the first four months. This year is possibly the most exciting free agent class in history, with the Miami Big Three, Carmelo Anthony and a handful of up and coming young stars hitting the market. Where will they all end up? The Nugget Blog is ready to tell you all of the answers (we have none of the answers)!

With the NBA Finals in our rearview mirror and the depressing USA FIFA Cup loss sitting in our bowels, America needs something to brighten our spirits again. What else can we turn to? Mad Men doesn't start up again until next spring, you never see Eight Legged Freaks on television anymore (although I did just buy myself a copy for three bucks from Big Lots, can you say arachnabargain?!) and it's been routinely over 90 degrees in my neck of the woods. I hate the heat, which transitions me into my next point.

Who will be playing for the Miami Heat next season? See what I did there? Eh?

But really, the NBA offseason is the most exciting offseason of any of the major sports, and its really not even close. Baseball needs boring, corporate Winter Meetings to do its business. Football rarely sees huge stars even hit the market without being scooped up by their original team. Does hockey have an offseason? I'm not sure. So, basketball gets it all right by creating the most drama, suspense and fun around the free agents. You got Derrick Rose playing marketing team for the Bulls trying to woo in Carmelo. SportsCenter just did a five minute segment trying to play Pat Riley and filling in the roster with the salaries and all for the Miami Heat. Marcin Gortat just paid sixty friggin' million dollars over the next five years! Need I say more?! How can you not love this stuff?!

I know we're seeing plenty of media coverage of these free agents, but I decided I'm just going to straight up tell you where everyone will end up. Sure, we can speculate about the Big Three breaking up or taking pay cuts to stay together, but what will actually happen? America needs the truth, dammit! Why do you think Judge Judy has job and Pele is making Subway commercials? Because they tell it like is. Judge Judy will tell a neighbor to stop stalking the pretty girl down the street the hard way and Pele will tell us that he can use his hands to eat a footlong sandwich without sugar coating it. Because this is America, the GREATEST COUNTRY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH! USA! USA! USA!

So, we'll start with the bottom tier guys and work our way up to the studs and playa's, playa!

Mario Chalmers
Landing Spot: Miami
Ideally, Miami would be upgrading the point guard position, especially after Chalmers basically no showed in the Finals. However, if they have any shot at attaining the salary cap with also signing the Big Three, they have no shot at signing anyone else. Chalmers is the cheapest option they have at point without downgrading. Chalmers is still a quality player who has proven he can play, we just need to see if that Finals atrocity was a fluke or sign of things to come.

Vince Carter
Landing Spot: Toronto Raptors
Marc Stein has actually reported that Toronto was interested in our main man, Vince, and I could absolutely see that happening. Carter would probably be welcomed back in Toronto because I don't think they have any fans capable of holding a grudge towards the only entertaining player the franchise has seen in a decade. Regardless, he would be a great veteran presence to have on a young team with playoff aspirations. 

Jordan Hill
Landing Spot: Los Angeles Lakers
Jordan Hill was a pleasant, uncomfortable surprise in LA this season. The Lakers essentially have no team right now for next season, so resigning the young, powerful big man would be a good idea, especially since he likely won't be drawing too many suitors willing to overpay for him. The Lakers could resign Hill and still have plenty of cap space to go after the big dogs, dawg.

Boris Diaw
Landing Spot: San Antonio Spurs
I think Boris will end up resigning with the Spurs, mostly because I think he is a pretty loyal guy and the team would be silly not to see the value in bringing him back. Unless some team like Charlotte throws too much money at him, which is definitely a possibility, I think the Spurs bring back the big man who played such gracious hoops in the playoffs two seasons in a row.

Patty Mills
Landing Spot: San Antonio Spurs
The Spurs NEED to resign Patty Mills, not just because of the impressive performance he had in the Finals, but because the odometer on Tony Parker just keeps going up and up. The Spurs potentially have an excellent talent in their back pocket who could soak up the veteran leadership and training of the French Assassin. If they have to overpay him a little, so be it. 

Shawn Marion
Landing Spot: Golden State Warriors
The Warriors need some defense and Shawn Marion is just the guy they might be looking for. Not to mention the veteran leadership that Marion could bring to the table in Golden State with a group of young guys who repeatedly come up short in the postseason. 

Paul Pierce
Landing Spot: Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks were right there in upsetting the number one seeded Pacers last season and maybe all they need is another superstar to help their injury ravaged team get over that first round hump. Could Atlanta land Paul Pierce? They're competitive enough but they'd need to pay more than say a team like Chicago or even Boston would offer in order to lure him, but I could see it BAYBAY!

Trevor Ariza
Landing Spot: New York Knicks
The Knicks are going to lose Carmelo, it is inevitable. So they might as well sign up some quality young guys to replace him, maybe, I don't know, putting an actual team together instead if building around one guy. Ariza is 28 years old, an excellent scorer who also has decent rebounding and defense. Washington already through sixty million at Gortat so they are going to have to be okay with letting Ariza walk. 

Isaiah Thomas
Landing Spot: Sacramento Kings
Unfortunately for Thomas, the Kings didn't draft a point guard to replace the wily character. Thomas will get a big contract offer from the Kings, who will need a point guard, and the money will be enough to sway him. Poor Thomas will probably waste away in Sacramento for another four or five years.

Lance Stephenson
Landing Spot: Indiana Pacers
The Pacers have a rare, young talent in Stephenson, even if he is as dumb as a rock. His personality will hold him back from ever attaining a max deal, but for now, the offered five year, 44 million dollar deal is probably as good as he will get. Teams might be willing to take a risk on his near triple double every single night, but no one will throw him the money he deserves while he continues blowing in people's ears and complaining like a four year old. Larry Bird and the Pacers love the talent, they just need to see some character change.

Gordon Hayward
Landing Spot: Boston Celtics
I've seen a few reports about Boston being interested in Hayward, and I don't think Utah is in a position to resign him. Boston drafted Marcus Smart, essentially telling us that they have plans past Rajon Rondo. If they trade Rondo for draft picks instead of an established star, signing Hayward would give them more immediate scoring and leadership. 

Luol Deng
Landing Spot: Charlotte Hornets
Imagine a team starting Big Al Jefferson and Luol Deng together. That team is suddenly pretty intimidating, especially since they gave the Heat a run for their money (well, kind of) in the playoffs last season. Charlotte has MJ wooing potential free agents, Deng might be impressed by the idea of playing for the greatest basketball of all time. 

Pau Gasol
Landing Spot: Phoenix Suns
Of all the free agents and landing spots I've mentioned before, this is the one I'm most excited about! I love Gasol going to the Suns for a number of reasons. One, Gasol goes to a title contender again, something that hasn't been true for two seasons. Two, he brings veteran presence to a young team that should have made the playoffs last season had they not played in the juggernaut Western Conference. Three, he would bring a post presence to a team that struggles at that position and is relatively small in a bigger conference. And four, they tried trading for Gasol last season, so I think this is a very reasonable and legitimate shot. If the Suns can land Gasol and keep Bledsoe, I think they will be a real threat in the West this season.

Chandler Parsons
Landing Spot: Houston Rockets
Houston is a team with championship aspirations and in order to keep it that way, they need to resign Chandler Parsons. He is a three point assassin and a great scorer who is a fan favorite and brings tons of energy night in and night out to a high profile squad. They already traded Omer Asik for nothing in order to build this team stronger and clear some cap space. With that money, they need to at least bring back Parsons. 

Greg Monroe
Landing Spot: Portland Trail Blazers
Portland has reportedly been interested in a sign and trade for Greg Monroe, who personally has got to be begging to get out of Detroit. From the moment this team was assembled with Josh Smith, nothing made any sense about the way it was going. Monroe, Drummond and Smith can not play on the same team, and if Smith is going to stay in Detroit, than Monroe should want to play elsewhere. Putting him next to LaMarcus Aldridge would make Portland an incredible threat in the West and possibly even spring board them to legit title contenders.

Kyle Lowry
Landing Spot: Houston Rockets
As I said previously, the Rockets have the money to pursue the top tier free agents. However, I don't think they will land on pursuits of Carmelo and maybe even LeBron. Therefore, they can be plenty happy signing Kyle Lowry to become their starting point guard alongside Parsons, Dwight Howard and James Harden. Could Harden, Howard and Lowry be the next Big Three? Why not?

Dirk Nowitzki
Landing Spot: Dallas Mavericks
I only rank Nowitzki this low because there is absolutely no shot of Nowitzki leaving Dallas. Zilch.

Dwyane Wade
Landing Spot: Miami Heat
I don't feel great about the Big Three all taking pay cuts, but if there is one guy who will, it is Dwyane Wade. Wade is on his way out, already a surefire Hall of Famer who has cashed in plenty during his illustrious career. Wade is aged and banged up, probably past his prime and already a multiple champion. He has spent his entire career in Miami and I don't see that ever changing. Wade will take a pay cut if he has to to stay on the team he has won all of his championships with. 

Eric Bledsoe
Landing Spot: Phoenix Suns
I think Bledsoe will resign with the Suns after they make my huge splash and ink Pau Gasol. Sure, Bledsoe will get plenty of looks elsewhere and I'm not sure that the Suns can even afford signing both guys, but imagine how great this team would be if they could keep Bledsoe and sign Gasol! They'd be awesome! BRING ON THE SUNS, MON!

Chris Bosh
Landing Spot: Los Angeles Lakers
As I said before, I don't think all of the Big Three players will take a pay cut. That being said, Chris Bosh will not and he will cash in as Kobe's Robin in LA. Bosh loved the limelight in Miami and he has come a long way since his days in Toronto, probably making him ready to succeed in the big lights in LA. Bosh and Bryant could potentially win a title with the right pieces around him in the next few seasons. 

Carmelo Anthony
Landing Spot: Chicago Bulls
Derrick Rose probably did a decent job recruiting Anthony and really, Chicago is the only reasonable place for Carmelo to sign with. He has to leave New York or he will never win a championship. He won't go to a Western Conference team because it will be harder for him to even make the Finals through a tougher road in the playoffs. He won't go to Miami unless the cap is increased to six billion dollars. Chicago gives him immediate championship possibilities alongside one of the most exciting players in the league and one of the best defensive players in the league (Joakim Noah).

LeBron James
Landing Spot: Miami Heat
Let me paint you this picture. Chris Bosh refuses to take a pay cut and he bolts for the Lakers. Dwyane Wade takes a pay cut to be able to finish his career in Miami. LeBron James eyes Door A, resigning with Miami and saving his image. He eyes Door B, leaving for Chicago or Cleveland or any other team that might bring him better chances at winning another title long term, but would also include the image destruction that his first chicanery did. James cares about his legacy. Playing on a third team and leaving right when things are getting uglier might tarnish it a little. Could he still win a title without Bosh? I definitely think he can. Miami would essentially save about 16 or 17 million dollars by not signing Bosh, which would save them cap space to sign role players to play alongside the King and D Wade. Miami wouldn't necessarily be championship favorites anymore, but I think James would enjoy the challenge of winning a third title without Bosh. 

But hey, don't count on any of these.